Got this in the email

Okay, time to share another e-mail jokes that I got recently.

What does your father to?

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and have sex with him for money."

The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring, and took Little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said David, "He works for the Bush administration, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

*********************
Sorry guys, work has been crazy... Haven't really have the time the write something good entries...

Eyes On Me

I have been wanting to write this entry yesterday, but was over loaded with work and stress... So, I decided to slack off right now, and write this entry.

This happened on Monday, where I stayed late until 9:35 PM at work.

There's only one thing I like about the new office building, is that in every elevator, there's a tiny plasma television.



Aside from random news, stock market stuff, weather forecast... Sometimes, it will even up pop some trivia’s and jokes... It is a very neat feature that they have for this building. It made my work *slightly* enjoyable.

Anyway, on Monday night, with dark circles under my eyes, I walked toward the exit right after I stepped out of the elevator...

Just before I passed front counter, where our lazy securities hang out... I noticed that....

There are many tiny TV screens lined up behind the counter.



They have Cameras in this place?!

So, on one of the TV screens, I saw myself, standing in the middle of the hallway... Another glance with other screens... I saw the other hallway... and then the interior of each of our elevators.

What?! Every elevators have their own CAMERA?!

Does that mean the securities saw...



Me yawning loud and clear every morning...

I mean, sometimes when I'm alone in the elevator, there would be a sense of privacy where no one will see what you are doing. It'd be just me, and my own reflection off the metal door.

If they saw me yawning, then they probably saw me doing my exercises too...

Since my back hurts like hell (blame it at work) - I'd usually bend my upper body forward to stretch out my tail bone...



And of course, once I bent forward, I've got to go the other way as well.



And they probably also saw me when I do my daily 5 seconds celebrity impersonation...



Hell, they probably even saw me picking my nose.



...................... Oh well. It's not like I'm going to stop doing all that.

Pffft.

So I marched on-ward and went home.

Late Night Cooking

So I got this Multi-Vitamin, "One-A-Day Weight Smart Dietary Supplement" - Since I have been trying really hard to loose my big belly tummy.

Well, it sure increased my metabolism hollah-hella-hola.

For example, 2 hours after my heavy meal.... I'd go to the bathroom....

For the last 3 days, I have been going to the bathroom (toilet) 3 times a day. That's like, a lot of dumping, you know.

Kinda scared me. But this nifty vitamin really help digesting my food at this amazing speed.

But.

Yes.

BUT!

After all the food had been absorbed by my mighty tummy... I get HUNGRY again.

So, I have been eating multiple times a day, going to bathroom multiple times a day...

My weight, didn't change how-so-ever, instead, my tummy got stretched from all the food I have been eating. I have never felt so 'hungry' before....

I just couldn't control the hunger!! It's so... Powerful! So... Strong! And Big! And totally....

So, last night, at 11:50 PM - the hunger was so intense, I had to crawl off my bed, and made myself some fried rice in the kitchen and finished the whole plate in 20 minutes.

*oink*

I'm gonna stop taking this Weight Smart thingy for a while...

*whacks the tummy and let it vibrates*

***********************
Off from her blog, I found out about the OkCupid! test - and here is my result.

Bang

"What happened?"

Paw asked Wayne as he opens the door.

"This?" Wayne raised his right arm.

"Yeah."

"Bruise. Duh."

"What you did?" Paw questioned.

"I banged my wrist."

"How?"

Wayne rolled his right wrist over and massage it with his left hand.

"Well... You know that pair of boots that I took to the shop? I got them back today. And like, I had them in a bag... And I was walking upstairs... swinging my right bag-carrying arm... Then after I opened the door, and turned... I banged my wrist against the edge of the wall."

".............................."

"What?"

Paw blinked his eyes.

Wayne looks at him.

Then Paw started to laugh.

"That's mean! You are suppose to say nice stuff to me. Like, 'Awe, are you feeling okay?' or offering a nice 'wrist-rub' - you know."

Paw: "My gosh, you are so weird. Why did you swing your arm going up the stairs?!"

Wayne: "Ever seen Wizard of Oz? Dorothy swung both of her arms as she jogged on the yellow brick road."

Paw: "............................"

Wayne: "..........................."

Paw blinks.

Wayne blinks back.

Paw: "Let's go."

Wayne: "Okay."

Beauty Queen Chapter 3: Best Hair-Health Products and how to use them.

Oh, forget about the damn Hair Products - I have wrote about it long long long time ago. Let's talk about what you guys asked about in comments for the previous post.

Here are some quotes:

"yummy to da tummy!!! ...and such nice skin... I wanna touch it! hahahaha!" - From Robert.

"I want to bite into it. Yummy." - From Sushil.

So, what exactly is my SKIN Beauty Secret?!

Or, should I rephrase myself... Ahem...

What exactly is my PIXEL Beauty Secret?!

Well, Adobe PhotoShop, of course. I have mentioned this many many many times before, without PhotoShop, I would never EXPOSE my SKIN on the internet.

I want everyone to feel fabulous - on the internet. Therefore, I'm going turn this blog entry into a mini PhotoShop overview.

1. To bring out the color complexion of the skin, most of the photos are taken under a "Yellow" light, which is commonly use as the household restroom light. It also serves as a good template for you to do PhotoShop color editing.



2. Use the auto-contrast function in PhotoShop, to balance out the balance of the color tones.

3. To change my pearl-white (AKA "PALE" white) skin, I changed the color tone by using the 'Color Balance tool'. Where I added more 'tan' to the image. Be careful of what Color shading you use. You don't make yourself look overly 'yellowed' (like a pickle) or have that Paris Hilton 'ORANGE' tanning effect. Go with your normal skin tone and adjust the shade setting. Usually I'd ad a little yellow and a increase the red tone.



4. After coloring the over all color balance of the image, I would use the "Auto-level' tool to naturalized the lighting-tone of the image.



As you can see, some of the yellow in the background was faded to white.

5. Then here comes to the important part - The 'Smart Blur' tool is what most people use, to make their skin appear more smooth. Make sure you set the 'radius' setting to a smaller value than that of the 'threshold' - or else... You will end up looking super flat.


(See, how smooth my skin look in the image? It even flatten my forehead wrinkles and eye saggies)

6. The last step, would be reducing the size of the image. So it will be harder to tell that the photo had been digitally edited.



That's it, boys and girls. This is the end of my mini quickie PhotoShop tutorial. So, for those of you who has a copy of PhotoShop install in your computer, go and have fun. :)

With all the manipulated images of myself out in the cyberspace, every day's an April Fool's Day for me.

ACK, OH MY GAWD! I just Shard one of my darkest dirty secrets!!

Spy Me, Spy Me Not



Tada! I finally got myself a tiny CHILD mirror for my monitor. Now I can see ANYONE who walks back and forth behind me. (Or anyone looking over from behind, to see if I'm actually working or not)

The Helping Hand

As inspired by Markie's post on Angel(s) - I'd thought I'd share an experience that I cannot explain.. and never forget.

First of all, I do need to clarify, that I'm not much of a religious person. (See, I've never blog about God, and my religious belief) --- But, I am considering myself spiritual --- Whereas, I do believe in Ghosts, Spirits and "Something watching over us."


When I was in 6th grade, I was part of the 5% Asian population in the Jr. High School. Since I was really short, thin and pale looking, I was pretty much a target for bullies. (Yeah, I got my ass kicked before, numerous times)

We nerds usually hang out in small groups during lunch time. Instead of hanging out at the grass field, basket ball courts or near the pull-up bars, we'd hang out at far side of the campus, near the janitor's office. (I mean, who hangs out there during lunch time?) It was there, where we can avoid anything sport-related. It was there, that shelters us from the big buff bullies.

On a Sunny beautiful clear sky Californian Thursday, my friend J-dan, Ark-ba and I hanged out at our usual location. (Of course I used fake names, you think these names actually exist? Well, damn right they do!) Talking about classes, computer games and what a boring day it has been.

Then J-dan and Ark-ba decided to head to their class early, to 'help' each other with yesterday's homework. Since I didn't went to same class, I decided to went to the gate area where all students have to go though to get to lockers.

The gate area is also a place where EVERYONE hangs out. (Especially girls, since they would just sit on the side and chat the afternoon away)

Bored, had nothing to do, I stood next to the fence (of the gate) - waiting for the lunch bell to ring.

I was probably in my blank-out phase at the moment, I didn't really remember what I was doing. (Blank stared at the ground, probably)

All of the sudden, someone, pulled me back by the collar of my shirt.

Couldn't respond to such fast action, I allowed myself to be dragged by this 'bully'

Then immediately, a tennis ball flash-passed in front of my face and hit the fence.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

It was loud.

The impact from the tennis ball sent a wave though the entire fence.

The tennis bounced off from the fence and landed on the ground.

There was a 5 seconds of silence before the chatty noise from the crowd returned.

If I didn't move back, the tennis ball would have stroked my head.

I turned my head around to see who grabbed me.

But I saw no one.

There weren't anyone behind me during the entire time.

I turned my head toward the direction where the tennis ball came from, and saw Charles (my bad boy fantasy - gosh, he's so hot!) looking over my direction, with an 'un-certain' expression.

He didn't know how good of a pitcher he can be... He probably realized that if I didn't pull back, I would have been struck by the damn tennis ball and resulted in serious brain damage. (Or, he was just confused on how I could have dodged his fatal attack)

Either way, I could careless.

I went home, like nothing ever happened.

It was not until after I graduated from Jr. High, I thought back of the entire situation, and found the entire incident to be too 'coincident' to be a coincidence.

*********************
So, anything "SUPERNATURAL" happened to you?

Z. Z. Z...

Faustus' show (well, he wrote the score for the musical) was fabulous on Sunday. Where I finally had the chance to catch the last show. (For those of you, who are in New York, and didn't go see the show... *Spank* *Spank* *Spank* *Spank *Spank* - See, I'm kinky)

As a lover of Musicals, I was drawn into the show as soon as one of the main actors took stage. (Helllooo Nurse baby!)

But, I'm not here to talk about the show. I'm going to write about the people around me.

Seriously, some people are just so... needing my spanky spanky. There was a lady who sat in front of me, during the first 45 minutes of the show, she was sleeping on the chair. Her head was swinging back and forth for a while, then finally, settled on the edge of the chair. I seriously wanted to whack her with my Old Navy bag. (Oh, did I mention, that I went a bought myself really butch looking clothes? You know, I was in one of those Butch mood. And Yes Yes Yes, I will take pictures!)

Half way though the show, during one of the 'slow & emotional' moments, some lame a$$ person behind me started to snore.

I was like, what the hack?!

That was so RUDE!!!

I totally wanted to turn my body around, and ask the person if he/she would like me to stick my foot (Banana Republic shoe) up his/her mouth. (Damn Kinky!)

Anyway, I ran out of the theater right after the show, to catch my train.

For some reason, the train (Long Island Rail Road) was packed with people. And it wasn't even prime time rush hour.

I chewed on my McDonalds McNuggets while a lady and her daughter took seat next to me.

For some reason, the mom kept a 6-12 inches distance from me. As if, I have SARS or something... The entire time, she looked away from me... While her daughter blank stared at other passengers.

So, I finished my food, put all the trash in the paper bag, seal it by twisting the opening as tight as I can.

Like what a normal pig would do after eating, I fall asleep.

I wasn't sure how long I have slept... I only remembered the conductor's voice asking me for the ticket....

I opened my eyes, pulled out my ticket.. and then put it back in my pocket... then closed my eyes....

My body moved along with the movement of the train.

It felt like I was in a rocking chair.

I was totally in a deep sleep mode.

Then....

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... ZZZZZZZZZZZ...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

I was awaken by the sound of my own snore!!!

ACK!!

I opened my eyes, looked around... and found that some people had their heads away 180 degrees from me.

Which meant, they were looking at me earlier.... (Damn, I must be hella loud!!!)

(Thank gawd, I didn't drool this time)

I stood up, ran into another cart, and spent my last 3 minutes on the train before it arrived at my home station.

*************************
I know this is old, but if you are bored and wanna learn to groove like a diva, check out this.

Take My Breath Away

Maybe I should rename my blog and called it "Wayne's Subway Tale" or something like that. It seems I get more actions on the subway train than any where else.

(After I expressed my feeling about personal space and my Argh Argh toward the male love bird - I haven't been hanging out with them. Which is good. That means, the love birds just lost their supporting roles in my saga)

This morning, the train was unexpectedly busy. Crowded with people. As I was desperately seeking for an eye candy to lean my body against, I got myself stuck between mountains of men. (the Non-eye candy type)

Finally, at the first stop, after some people stepped out of the train, I was able to wiggle my body out of the men forest. I placed myself directly right in front of the train door and my right hand on the pole.

In front of me, stood a woman and a man.

The woman reminded me of Rosie O'Donnell, especially her hair.

Just before I was thinking of saying "Hey Rosie Darling" in my head, she opened her mouth.

She YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNed.

I just happened to be standing at the perfect location to view her perfectly ROUND mouth.

Then as soon as the woman closed her mouth... A breeze of air brush against my face.

Like - OH MY GAWD.

I SMELLED SOMETHING.

I HAVE INHALED HER BREATH.

Like, HOLY MOLLY! MOMMY I WANT MY MOMMY!

I seriously wanted to turn my entire body around so I didn't have to SMELL HER BREATH - but with the crowd around me, I couldn't move.

Usually, in a situation like this, I would look for other victims and see how they would react to it.

I looked at the man standing next to her.

The man was reading a book, some sci-fi novel...

Suddenly, his mouth opened.

And

He YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNed.

Like - OH MY GAWD OH MY GAWD.

I SMELLED SOMETHING.

I HAVE INHALED HIS BREATH.

Like, HOLY MOLLY CHEESE! AYE DIOS MIO!! OYE!!!

Take My Breath Away~~~
Take My Breath Away~~~

I lowered my head, looked at the ground.

With tears around my eyes, I screamed in my head:

Damn it, Get me out of here!! Now!!! NOW!!!!!!

Eye Candy Of the Day

Duncan Sheik



What else can I say about this talented studly man? I always have a thing for musicians... Especially this one.

*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*

Pop It, Pop It

This past weekend, during a mini New York City tour with Puckie from CA, I couldn't help myself but to buy a bag of Nut 4 Nut Coconut. (I'm going nuts, baby!) I totally love that stuff. It is so yummy yummy tasty.

BUT

THE THING GIVES ME ZITS

That's right, friends. The yummy yummy tasty sugar-coated coconuts does massive damage to my fragile sensitive face.

This morning, when I was brushing my teeth, I noticed a little red & yellowish dot on the side of my nose... A new ZIT on it's way to be an adult ZIT.

Since it is so small and so - 'young' - I couldn't really pop it. I have to wait until the zit is in its teen's.

*** Around 11:30 AM at Work ***

Wayne heads into Men's room.

"Good, no ones here." He thought.

Then Wayne walks toward the mirror....

"Good, it's time."

Wayne washed his hands and grabbed a paper towel from the automatic paper towel dispenser.

With his index fingers, Wayne squeeze-pressed hard on his nose.

"Damn it, I will not let you ruin my nose!"

*Squeeze* *Squeeze* *Squeeze*

Then all of the sudden, the door popped open.

A man in dark black suit walked in, his silver hair showed how many years of experience and wisdom he gain during his life time.

Wayne looked at him.

He looked at Wayne.

"....................." (Wayne don't usually say Hi to people in men's room)

The silver hair man eyed Wayne up and down, only for couple seconds, then he proceed to the urinals.

Wayne, felt some how violated, turned his face back to the mirror, and pretended to be wiping something out of his eyes with the paper towel.

*Wipe* *Wipe* *Wipe*

Wayne waited for the silver hair man to finish his duty.

*Wipe* *Wipe* *Wipe*

The silver hair man zipped up.

*Wipe* *Wipe* *Wipe*

Wayne continued to wipe his eyes with the paper towel until the silver hair man walked out of the men's room with a pair of un-washed hands.

As soon as the man stepped out of the door, Wayne continued his hardcore operation.

*Squeeze* *Squeeze* *Squeeze*

Then -

The door popped open, and two guys walked in.

Wayne stopped for a bit, then proceed to wipe his other eye with the same paper towel.

*Wipe* *Wipe* *Wipe*

"Damn it!!" Wayne thought.

After couple more minutes of non-stop wiping action, the two men finally left the men's room.

"............................"

***************************

So the red nose me came back to the cubical and realized I had spent longer than 30 minutes in the men's room.

People must have thought I went to take the longest dump ever.

Stand with Margaret Cho and John Kerry!

The Twins

I was going to write about my weekend, where I had the most pleasure of meeting Her, her brother, and her sweet adorable mom.

But... After reading Patch's entry, my mind was stroked by a flash from the past.

I've never mention 'The Twins' to anyone outside of my family. The incident I had with the twins wasn't anything naughty that I wouldn't want to share. It was an unforgettable incident that I experienced when I was still a tender young innocent shy fragile 14 years old BOY.

At the house where my family used to live, we have this backyard where the previous own planted lots of fruit trees. (So, imagine, during Fall, the fruits would fall and rot and the juice would attract ants from all over...) Because of the trees, nests of Birdies were all over as well.

Because I was still in my midget size, I was never able to see what's happening inside of the nest. Even if I stood on the patio, on the 2nd floor, I wouldn't be able to peek into the nests.

All I know, at the end of the Spring season, the nests would fall from the tree and landed on our lawn. (Mom said that once the baby birds grown, they would destroy their old home and leave no evidence of their trail.)

I forgot what time of the year it was, but when I was releasing my doggie out to the yard, I saw a nest in its perfect form sitting underneath the pine tree. Elf, wondered off to the other side of the yard as I walked toward the fallen nest.

The close I get to the nest, the more noticeable the two little heads peaking out from it.

BIRDS!

OH MY GAWD!

BIRDS!

The nest was probably knocked off from the tree by the wind, but the baby birds survived Mother Nature's test... The little twin birds rode the little nest like Alien, and landed perfectly on the lawn.

Their eyes barely opened, feathers barely grown... They tiny skinny bodies trembled as I picked the nest up. They were amazingly young.

I rushed back into the house and told Mom about it.

"Just leave them there and their parents will come pick them up."

Well, the weather was cold, and my neighbor had 7 cats. I wasn't too sure if I should leave them out in the yard. So, like a mother in training, I took out a cardboard box from the garage, placed a sheet of newspaper at the bottom, a layer of thin cloth, and then on top of that, I placed the nest in the middle.

After fetching Elf back into the house, I sat near the living room next to the window, waited for parent birds to show up.

I waited and waited... And saw no signs of parent birds.

They probably thought the twins didn't survived the fall...

So around 6:00 PM at night, I gave up the hope that I would see the parents searching for their twins. I took the matter in my own hands. I crushed some rice with the hammer, and soaked the pieces in water. Once the rice piece were soft enough, I picked the pieces up using the straw and attempt the feed the twins.

As soon as the straw was near their beck, their little head would turn away.

They were either not hungry, or refused to eat.

Then I tried to feed them some water... And same thing. They would turn away from me.

Within the next couple hours, I checked on them and attempt to feed them - but gotten the same result.

Maybe they were still recovering from shock.

Before heading to bed, I placed the cardboard box on my desk, turn on the little night light next to it. I wrapped an old T-shirt around the next and pull parts of the sleeve to the nest... Partially covered the twins' fragile body with it.

Maybe after good night sleep, they will forget about the fall.

In the morning, I rushed to my desk as soon as I woke from my sleep.

I saw two limp heads laying against the edge of the nest. Motion-less and Breath-less. Their eye lids were closed - same with their claws. Some fluid was found near their little pecks... Dehydration, I thought. The two little twins must have passed away sometime at night.

Tears rolled around the edge of my eyes as I screamed in my head:

How can I be so stupid to think that I can take care of the birds?

I carried the cardboard box down stairs and told my mom about what happened.

"Ah-Wei ah, maybe it is something they couldn't escape in their fate. At least they died full-form in your T-shirt, not pieces in a cat's stomach."

"I feel so sad." Fighting to keep the tears from running down my cheeks.

"Don't be. Maybe they are happier up there now. Put the box right there, and I will take care of them. Now, get ready for school."

I nodded my head.

The K-Mart Tango

I have been wanting to write about my Ex-BF#3 for the longest time, but I just couldn't get my flame up and totally pour my heart out on the blog. I guess I'll just have to wait until the mood is right.

There's a big K-Mart located inside of the Penn Station. (For those who are not familiar with K-Mart, it is the store that sells Martha Stewart Bed Sheets - and other stuff)

Anyway, I had plenty of time to kill before the train arrived at the station, therefore, I went into K-Mart to kill time.

La La La...

As I was walking toward the Toys section, I noticed a K-Mart employee coming toward my direction.

He's cute. I thought.

He has those puppy eyes that sparks like...uh, a puppy's eyes. Dark hair, dark skin - I assume that he's probably Italian or mixed. He's probably in his early 20's, and about 5'8 with a slim built, plus a semi-goatee on his chin. Oh yeah, he also has an earring on his left ear.

Cute as a puppy.

I think he saw that I 'checked' him out... Even though I turned my face toward the Music Section as soon as I saw him looking at me.

Then he walked passed me.

So I cruised around the Pop CD section... Then just when I stepped out of the CD section, I saw Mr. Puppy Boy walked right in front of me, toward the far side of the department store.

Er? Bumped into him again.

Without giving it a second though, I proceed to the Toys section.

First I walked into the Baby Toys section... Looked at all the stuffed animals. Then I turned into where the Barbies are...

After I heard some brief announcement came from the ceiling, I saw Mr. PuppyBoy walked right into MY section. (Oh damn, he caught me checking out Barbies)

His steps stopped at the end of the walk way.

Then I heard some noise.

He was on the other end of the shelf, fixing the Barbie Boxes. - Gee, I didn't know he's responsible for this section.

Or was he... Checking me out too? I mean... He's interested in me?!

Then, after I have gathered all my courage... I walked up to him.

He turned to me.

Our eyes met.

Focusing on his eyes, I held up my hand up, with Disney's Magic Mini Mate Princess Belle on my palm.

I asked: "Do you guys have Ariel version of this toy?"

He looked surprised.

He looked very surprised.

Then he said..."Uh... We currently only carry Belle and Cinderella. I don't think they released Ariel yet."

"Oh, bummer. Okay. Thanks."

Then I walked away.

*******************
Don't tell me that you were expecting some public-sex stories from me. I was, indeed, went to K-Mart with the intention of looking for the Princess Ariel Mini Mate!

Not an Ice Princess

Thanks to the lovely Snow Blizzard Storm - that the streets of New York are once again, covered with slush. (Slush = Mixture of Snow and Water - Kinda like one of those Taiwanese Shaved Ice thingy)

Influenced by the female love bird, that I developed the habit of watching the Weather Channel every morning before I head to work. (Know, before You Go)

And of course I was prepared to go to work. I had my thick coat, scarf and my lovely fabulous boots. (As suggested by the Weather Channel, boots are a must for the crazy weather.)

So, in the middle of the working day, though my manager's window, I witnessed the snow flake falling... Then the snow flake turned into zillions of white puffs... Then became the blizzard.

***later in the day***

Due to some personal issue (TAX RETURNS DAMN IT), instead of going directly back home, I had to take the train to Flushing, Queens.

As soon as I stepped out of the Train... Directly step onto the snow-covered platform...

I slipped.



But instead of landing on my ass, I was able to maintain my balance. (Or else I will have to write something similar to Dr. P's letter to Mother Earth)



But HOW IN THE WORLD COULD THIS HAPPENED?

I WAS WEARING MAH BOOTS!

Without holding back the traffic, I continued onward to the streets, waking, sliding, jumping, climbing, crawling - anything, to made my way to my accountant's office without getting my ass wet.

I was not having the time of my life. I was so Not-Michelle Kwan-que.

Several times, I would be sliding off the road, yet, managed to balance myself and keep both of my feet on the ground. I even heard a Chinese lady gasping after she saw me slipping... yet gasped again after I 'bounced' myself back in place.



Finally, I made it to the office.

Once inside of the double door, I lift my right foot up and look at the bottom of my boot.

FLAT as an Iron. (Or my ass after sitting at my desk for 8 hours)

I have wore this pair of boots so many times - that the bottom 'teeth' have long been rubbed off.

Gotta bring them to the shoeman this weekend.

Sisterhood

I got this in the email, and thought it's pretty cool. :) So, I'm sharing.

******************
After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.

He wanted to continue living in their downtown luxury apartment with his new lover so he asked his wife to move out and get another place. His wife agreed to this, provided that he would give her 3 days alone at the apartment to pack up her things.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the half-eaten shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly the apartment began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive carpet.

Finally, they could not take it any longer and decided to move. They could not find a buyer for their stinky apartment so they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home...including the curtain rods.

DO NOT MESS WITH A WOMAN!!!!!!!!

******************
Or me, since I have read this story and mastered the shrimp-shell technique.

Walk like a Lady

For some of you, who have been living in New York for a while, must know how it is like in Penn Station, during the morning rush hours.

As soon as people get off from the subway train & LIRR, everyone would swarm though the walk way and take up as much space as possible.

People, all walk in different speeds. Some rush to get to the next train, some wants to buy some snacks... Some goes here, some goes there, and some stood in the middle of the traffic aimlessly lost.

For those of you who have never been to New York Penn Station, and are interested in visiting, please make a note, that no matter what... Do not stand in the middle of jamming crowds looking for direction. Because, I guaranteed, that you will end up being knocked to the side as if you were on a football field.

Without loosing the sass (sassy, you know) - I strolled down the walk way like a show dog. I kept my shoulders back, chest up and looking straight forward. People in all shades of outfit walk back and forth around me. With my dark dirty gray-ish coat, I blend in among the New Yorkers just as well.

Despite the fact, that my contact lenses were super dry and I couldn't keep my eyes open - I continued to walk forward with confidence (Imagine that I'm cat-walking down with Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" playing in the background)

(Hint: Do not use your re-wetting eye drops while standing in the middle of the Penn Station walk way. You will end up poking your eye out.)

With my eyes semi-closed, I swiftly dodged around the incoming people.

Then all of the sudden, I felt my right shoulder collided into something.

That something end up being another man's shoulder.

"Excuse Me." I said.

The man looked back at me.

Without a second though, I marched forward.

Then he grabbed my arm. "Hey, you ran into me!"

"Yeah, I said EXCUSE ME already." I talked back. (Like, oh my gawd oh my gawd, he's gonna kill me!)

Judging from the way he dressed, he has to be a visitor.

"I can't believe how RUDE you people are!" He raised his voice. As if, he haven't had one single positive experience since early morning.

"Well, get used to it." I shook him off and walked away. (The Diva attitude is a MUST, for any model wannabe's)


Lesson he learned: NO one grabs Wayne without his permission! (Unless it's a cutie or a llama who grabbed me)

**********On the side note**********

Paw and I were waiting on the Platform in Queens, for the [7] train. Due to the contraction taken place at the 42nd street, a lot of people have to transfer using another route to take the [7] train. The platform was packed with all sorts of people.

After 20 minutes, a lonely [7] finally arrived at the platform. As soon as the doors opened, people rushed forward like a bunch of hungry ants.

Paw and I stood back, allowing the ants to pass us.

Then Paw said..."See? A bunch of vultures. Must be muy hungry."

Surprised. I said..."Paw, is that a joke you just made? It's actually kinda funny."

Paw: "........................."

Wayne: "........................"

*blink* *blink*

Then we walked into the [7] train.

Colors


Most of the time, you are black;
But sometimes, you came in shades of different colors.

Round and Round and Back and Forth,
You jiggled in front of my eyes,
and made me laugh.

Red is very rare, but I still see you once in a while;
I see Blue too, but not as often.
Being white, must be tough, because I've never seen you.

Round and Round and Back and Forth,
You tangled in front of my eyes,
and made me cry.

Purple, Green and Yellow,
The three rarest of the rare,
I've never seen the combo of thee,
and hope I never will.

Round and Round and Back and Forth...
Round and Round and Back and Forth...
Round and Round and Back and Forth...


I dedicated the above 'song' to all the asses that have been swinging in front of my face whenever I walk up the stairs.

My Type of Men Types

Okay, so quite a few bloggers have took this test and posted their results on the blog.
Since I'm a curious cat, I took the test too.

Here are my results:

According to the Match Test, my número uno hottie is:



Hrm, well, yeah, a very handsome fella... Great smile, nice eye brows... And totally made me wanna take out my hair color collection and work his hair up and down like there's no tomorrow.

(I have a thing for dark hair guys)

And these are the runner ups:



I mean, gawd, they should all have been #1's...

And this guy has the unique feature types that I like in a guy:



Hrmm... I... I like the hair....

........Too bad, they don't have a test like this for the llamas.

Quick Shot of Mental Orgasm

It has been a freaking long stressful day at work. And it's only Wednesday.

Wahhh... Wahhhh....Wahhhh....

Anyway, sometime during the afternoon, I got a call from my manager.

"Wayne, please, print and ASK SOMEONE TO DELIVER those files to me."

I'm not stupid. Of course he meant he wanted ME to hand-deliver the printed documents to him.

So I did.

I walked down my building, and cross several streets.... And then arrived at my manager's training room.

I handed the documents to him, pretended that I understand every single word that came out of his mouth, nodded my head, smiled, then I took off.

Down the elevator, out the door.

Crossed the same streets...

Then....

I saw a smile in front of me.

I was walking up.

And the smile was walking down.

"Hi, how you doing?" said David.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!" I waved my right hand like a little girl.

"Good."

Then we passed each other on the ramp.

LikeOhMYGawDitsDAViDfromWHereIUsedTOWorkATWOWDamnHeIsSTILLHandsoMEasEVErAndHESeemEDHapppIErNowHEMUSTbeDOinGWellATtheNewCOMPanyAnDGeTPaidLOTsOfMONey!

The mental energy boost continued until I stepped back into my cubical.

Then the dreadful day continued...

You're Chile!

You're really skinny, and kind of bumpy in frame, but you're not as
rough a person as you used to be.  You like long, long, long walks on the beach and
avoiding having your rights violated, just like anybody else does.  You're even
willing to stand up to those with more power and influence than you, trying to bring them
to justice.  Fight the man!
Take
the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

I'm Feeling It, I'm Feeling You!

You asked me to take off my clothes.

I did.

I have never took off my clothes so fast and so early in the day.

It's only 4:00 PM, I thought to myself.

I am... Can I take off my clothes... RIGHT HERE?! In this PLACE?!

But I have to do what you want to do, for both of us to enjoy it.

Sitting on the bed, wearing only my underwear.... I felt the chill of the air as you moved toward me.

"Face down...."

I got on my hands and knees... and slowly lowed my body until my chest is firmly pressed against the bed.

Then I felt your hand, both of your hands, pressing down on my shoulders....

"You are so tense... Relax... Relax a bit.. Don't be nervous..."

My body trembles as I felt your hands rolled around my shoulder area....

You were giving me a back rub.

"Uh... I'll try to relax..."

And I felt your palms, rubbing down my the back of my neck down to the end of my... tail bone.

Then you grabbed the waist band of my underwear and pulled it all the way down.

As an instinct, my body tensed up again.

Without saying a word, you grabbed the lower portion of my butt....

I was really nervous... Even though it is not my first time...

"Flip over" you ordered.

And I did what you asked me to do.

"....T...This way...?"

You smiled and nodded in approval of my position.

Then you reached underneath my right leg and lift it up....

I let out a little sigh... I wasn't expecting you to do this... Yet.

I arched my back a bit... To help maintain my position.

You worked your hands all the way from my waist area down to my legs.

"Uh..." I moaned.

But the sultry sensation didn't last long... A sharp pain strike though my nerve and traveled all the way up to my head.

I wanted to scream... but I didn't. I can't scream and moan in a place like this...

Ahhhhhhhhh.... .OOoooh...Uhhhhhhhhhh....Uh.... Oh...Ahhhh..... I moaned in my head.

The pain was extreme... But pleasurable in a way....

It felt good.

It felt hella good.

The paste of my breath increased as my sweat dripped on the pillow...

My body... Covered in heat... I was burning... I felt like I was bathing in showers of heat... Steamy heat.

Then...

"Okay. All finished. Thank you." Said the Chinese lady.

I opened my eyes.... "Oh, thank you. That was really good."

I sat myself up, recovering from the relaxing Qi-Gong Massage Therapy.

"So, how you feeling?" I asked Paw.

Paw, sat on the massage bed next to mine...."It's Okay."

"I did asked them to get you the strongest masseur."

"Yeah, she was breathing deeply... She totally used all her strength."

"Haha, next time, they need to get a guy masseur."

"Yeah."

I was fully dressed when the Woman in charge of the Massage Service opened the curtain.

"Everything okay?" She asked.

"Yes. Yes. It was great, thank you" I said as I tipped the masseur.

"Come back anytime when you need a massage."

"You bet." I smiled at her.

Picture of the Day


For some reason, whenever I see a llama on TV, my heart would burst out of my body and bounce up and down like there's no tomorrow.

Yes. I love llama. I think they are so cute. I think if I see a real llama in front of me, I'd jump it. I will hug him (male llama) and pet him and smooch him and kiss him and squeeze him into many little tiny pieces.

Llamas are so damn cute.

Ah.

Seriously, one of these days... at least once in my life, I'm gonna go visit a llama farm. (Alpaca works too)

A Lot of....

My sister (and I) have this bad habit. Whenever we go shop for food, we tend to buy them in bulk-size. (Cheaper)

It has been a constant cycle, where we would get a lot of let-over sitting in the fridge, rotten, and ended up being covered with mole. (The little tiny microscopic mushroom garden)

I, on the other hand, usually would try to clean up the food as fast as I can.

Just the other day, I took out the bag of ham that the female love bird purchased 3 weeks ago,, I noticed the new texture that the bag has.

It as more than just a plastic bag... It felt like... It felt like the interior of a raw pig stomach. (You know, very slimy and slippery)

Female Love Bird: "Oh damn. Do you think it is still eatable?"

Wayne: "Sure, why not. We shouldn't waste food like that."

So on the night where the Female Love Bird went out with the Male Love Bird, I decided to prepare our lunch for tomorrow.

I diced up the entire ham (since I try to get rid of it) and place them in a bowl.

The I found 2 bags of Chinese Onions (Scallion) sitting in the back of the fridge...

Didn't want to waste them, I pulled off the rotten part and diced the rest.

With my beautiful handy frying pan, I mixed the ham, scallions, eggs and rice together.

*fry* *fry* *fry* *fry* *fry*

Then later that night, the Female Love Bird got hungry....

Female Love Bird: "I smelled fried rice."

Wayne: "Yeah. I used up the ham and the onions."

Female Love Bird: "Cool, I get to taste it first."

The happy Female Love Bird made herself a small bowl of my superb fried rice, and also got herself a cup of lemon-water. (She squeezed the lemon into spring water, no sugar added)

I turned on the TV and pop-in the Chinese TV series VCD....

She insert a spoon full of fried rice into her mouth....

She chewed a bit...

She then picked up her cup and drank the entire lemon water.

Wayne: "You are really thirsty."

Female Love Bird turned to me and said..."Wa..yn..e.... This is... v...very.... Salty....."

Wayne: "Oh, crap. Must be the ham."

Then she made herself several more cups of lemon water and finished her bowl of rice.

31.25 %

My weblog owns 31.25 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

I found this cool thingy from him.

Stress

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep - rings the annoying company phone.

Wayne let out a little sigh, then picks it up.

"Hi, this is Wayne." An extremely low deep tone of voice passes though the speaker pad.

"Hi Wayne. This is Pam. How are you doing?" Said the woman.

"Oh, I'm doing okay. And you?" Wayne changed back to his usual high-pitch voice.

"Good. I just want to let you know.... Is it possible that I can view the documents before Friday's meeting?"

"They will be done before Friday. Right now, I'm working on Ro's presentation."

"I didn't mean to rush you or anything... But it'd be great if we can get the documents whenever they are done. Maybe later today."

"I'll see what I can do." Wayne said over the phone as he checks his Hotmail.

"Good, I'll let you get back to Ro's stuff."

"Bye." Wayne hangs up the phone.

Wayne lets out another sigh.... Then opens his mail box.

*** Wayne takes a moment to reply to Robert's email ***

Wayne yawns a little bit.....

The damn phone rings...

"Hi This is Wayne..." Wayne speaks in a very deep sexy tone of voice.

"It's Kerl."

"Oh, Hi Kerl... Uh, I'm currently working on Ro's stuff... I'll see if I can finish your report by the end of today."

"Good. Hear from you soon."

Hangs up the phone.

Phone rings.

Wayne looks at the phone.

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep.... Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep...

Wayne sighs.

Wayne ignores the phone and continues to work.

This Past Weekend

Ever since that Chinese Soap I saw, I like Hu Jun more than ever. (I just looooooooooooooooooooooooooooove the character he portrayed in that TV series) It is funny, that I used to find him totally unattractive... See how a good role in a film can make you an Idol?

I have heard of Hu Jun way before I saw the TV Series. He got his fame from an award winning gay film released in the year 2001-2002. Lan Yu, is the title of the movie. My gay (Asian) friends had recommend me to see that movie... But I never did. Mainly for the fact, that I felt uncomfortable having a GAY video tape laying around at home waiting to be discovered by the female love bird.

On Friday, I did search for Hu Jun's pictures... And I landed at Lan Yu's official website. After browsing a few links (at work, I know, gutsy!) - I learned more about the film. It turned out, the story is based on the internet novel, "Beijing Story", written in the 1980's. Clicking though the links, I found a link where I can download the original novel off the net. (Chinese only) --- So I did. I downloaded them, and printed all of them out using the company paper. (Muhahahahaha...) - On my way back home, I read the first 6 chapters of the novel.

And - Oh My Gawd. This "Beijing Story" should be called "Sex Sex Sex Gay Sex Sex Sex" instead. It was more like an erotica with plot than anything I expected it to be. Every 2 pages, there would be a scene of Man-On-Man action. This continued to chapter 17, until the story got more intense and interesting. (There were more sex involved in the rest of the chapters, but the focus was emphasized more on the tension between the main characters)

At night, laying in my bed, I read the rest of the story.... My body became more tense and my breath became heavier... (Please kiddies, just because I'm laying in my bed, that doesn't mean I was doing anything naughty. It will take more than just an erotica to turn me on, baby. I'm a very physical person.) The more the story unfolds the nature of the two main characters and the things going on between them, the more scared I am. My body trembled with fear as I flip page by page...

Without spoiling the story... Let's just say I cried my heart out at the end of chapter 32. (Thank gawd the love birds were out on a date) It was not only the ending that drove me to tears... But also how closely the characters resemble Paw and I.

Yes.

Paw and I.

Not that Paw is a super rich business man or I am an innocent College student with the ultra lean body (Hrm, that would be nice though)... It was what the two characters believes... choice of life and characteristic, that reminded me of how we (Paw and I) are.

I was so gawd damn bothered over the weekend. Still sadden by the movie, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't do anything. My mind was filled all sorts of emotions...

On Sunday, I had to get my ass out of the apartment. So I did. Wondered aimlessly in China town... Still bothered by the movie... And everything else.

So... That was it. My weekend.

*sigh*


**********
As an Update ---- I found the script of the movie too... Wahhhhhhhhhhhh...Wahhh...SO Sad~~

Rare Dream

As I have mentioned in the previous entry, I don't dream much. (Or that I don't remember it after I wake up) - Let me see, it has been almost a year since I was waken by a dream.

(Maybe Penguin Princess' entry on her dream influenced me to dream)

Anyway - here it goes.

*burp*

Holy, I burped.

**********
Looking through the spider-web covered window, I see myself, dress all in black.

I see myself, walking forward, down an empty street, where the blue moon shines on the all surfaces.

The atmosphere seem cold, quiet, and lonely.

But I feel warm.

My eyes focusing straight forward, with no expression on the face.

I pushed the window open and climbed out... I chased after myself. The one dressed in black.

I ran towards him, as fast as I can.

He continues to walk forward... Or should I say, I.

I reached for myself.

I extend my right arm as far as I can... To grab his left hand.

I wanted to scream "STOP" - but I couldn't get the word out of my mouth.

As soon as my hand get in contact with him.

I became him.

Felt my left hand being grabbed, I turned my body.

Fiercely, he, who also dressed in black, wrapped his fingers tightly around my wrist.

I couldn't shake my hand free.

I wanted to scream "No" but I couldn't.

He gazes into my eyes with coldness.

The reflection of the moon light on his face, gave him corpse-like pale blue complexion.

Just before I reach for his hand with my right, his face thrust forward.

I see myself opening my lips, and display fangs that resembles a Vampire.

Before I have the time to react to, he sank his fangs deeply into my wrist.

I started to bleed.

Through his eyes, I saw the reflection of my face.

I was terrified.

I was in pain.

and I wanted myself to stop.

Then I (the Vampire - I) see myself falling back... Exposing the pure white delicious neck.

Without any hesitant, I went for the neck.

Warm blood pour though the gap between my fangs and rushed down my throat.

My back hit flat against the ground as he (the Vampire - I) continued to chew and devour my blood.

He was draining my body.

I felt my soul being sucked out of my body.

The pain spread from my neck to the rest of my body.

I trembled in shock.

Tears rolled out of the corner of my eyes.

I felt weak.

I didn't have any energy to fight back.

My eyes focusing at the dark sky.... as the pain rushed toward my heart.

Then I woke up.

I reached for my alarm clock.

"It's only 4:10"

**********

Now to think of it...

*sigh* Why did I dream that I was sucking my own blood? I rather have David Boreanaz doing the sucking.

Take the What Sex Position Are You? test by Ley Ley

*GASP*

Beauty Queen Chapter 2: De-Toxic your Body, Free your Mind.

I noticed that the Apple+Beets+Celery juice is not on everyone's "Favorite Drink" list...

So, there goes the De-Toxic part.

Last night, I freed my mind.

In order to prepare for my audition today (Thursday), I have been working hella hella on my face.

Yes. Face. I wanna look good. I really want to nail it.

So, on Tuesday night, I used the tomato scrub from Bath and Body Works while I was in the shower, and then before bed, I secretly used my sister's expensive name-brand night cream.

For Wednesday, to live up to the Beauty Queen title, I bought myself a packet of anti-stress toning mud mask... And it totally freed my mind.... Well, not that the product is good or done a miracle job on my face... But it was the fact my sister walked into the apartment and saw me with "Light Green" face and neck. (What can I say? - I'm a drugstore product Queen... Uh What? Oh, I was using the Mud & Aloe Mask)

Sister: "...................."

Wayne: "......................." *lowers his head*

*Sister walked into the kitchen*

Wayne: "........................."

Sister: "...................."

*Wayne dashed into the restroom*

*Wayne rinses his face with warm water*

At that moment, my mind was totally blown away. (I guess it is more an extremely version of 'freeing' the mind)

She ended up not asking a single question about it.

I ended up pretending nothing happened.

Thursday:

After work, before heading to the audition, I'm planning to sit in the restroom stall, and use the 5 minutes Face Tonic from Montagne Jeunesse. (The lovely brand that created the balls-burning anti-cellulite body-mask)

I'm gonna look dazzzzling~~ (Except for the damn scar on my chin, left from the big zit last week... And this nasty new red zit above my lip)


***
Hrm, recently, I have become so... Spiritual lately... For someone who doesn't dream as much (or remembering the dream in the morning) - I dreamt. And I had a nightmare last night.

Not sure if it is only a dream, or my Spiritual vibe is giving me some sort of warning.

Big Mama Don't Give A Damn!

It has been a week of work work work and more work. Nothing unusual happened to me at all - nor I have the energy to write about my past experiences.

*sigh*

One of those days...

This morning, however, I was some-what entertained by a little incident that took place at Penn Station.

As some of you might have experience, during the rush hour, there will be loads of people trying to get though the metro card slide-it passage.

What I meant by slide it, as in, people have to slide their pre-paid metro card in order to get though the passage. (Gotta pay when you wanna ride!)

I was among the school of fish this morning.

Step by step I move along with the people toward the passage.

La la la...

Just two people ahead of me, stood a woman in her mid 40's right in front of the metro card slide-in machine.

She held her bag up toward her face with her left hand, and reached in with her right. She was looking for her metro card.

(A common sense and courtesy that I learned since my move to New York, before getting in line for the slide-it fun, I always have my metro card in my pocket ready to be pulled out..)

So we were all looking at her, flipping though her keys, napkin and pens.

Then the man behind her said..."Excuse me, can you please step to the side? You are holding up the line here."

The woman ignored him.

The man spoke again. "Excuse me? Did you hear what I said? Can you please step to the side."

The woman looked at him with the "Whatever" expression and then back into her purse.

In front of me, was a gentleman in his mid 30's, dressed in a fabulous looking dark gray suit. Along with the professional suit, he wore a pair of sparkling shining black leather shoes.

Just when I was thinking that this man could be a high-level VIP personal in some high-end company.... He opened his mouth and shout:

"Damn it! Move to the side!!!"

The guy in front of him screamed..."MOVE TO THE SIDE LADY!"

At the same time, I felt the crowd behind me were pushing me forward.

To protect the sandwiches (breakfast for sis and I) in my bag, I folded my arms together and pushed back.

Then people in the line start to scream.

"EXCUSE ME!"

"MOVE TO THE SIDE, PLEASE"

"HEY LADY, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY"

"HELLO?! MOVE!!"

"MOVE!!"

"DAMN IT! MOVE TO THE SIDE"

"WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON?!"

"DAMN B*TCH, GET THE F**K OUT OF THE LINE!"

It's amazing how the remarks can get start with a regular classy "Excuse Me" to ghetto trash calling.

The entire time, the woman was still picking though her purse without even paying attention to the chaos behind her.

I really wanted to ask her why she didn't look for her metro card while she was waiting in line? Why wait until the last minute?

Then the crowd really start to push forward.

"AIYA" I yelled in my head.

Couldn't handle the wave of people, my body got pushed forward.

The fabulous suit guy in front of me, got pushed by me.

And the domino effect continued, until it reached the woman holding up the line.

Like a Miracle, an MTA employee showed up from no where. He grabbed the woman by her arm, and pulled her to the side.

The human wave floods though the slide-it gate and onto the subway platform.

As I was doing my slide-it action, I took a peak at the woman.

I saw the two arguing.

Without a second thought, I step up the stairs and escape the "I'm-Late-For-Work-Damn-It" realm.

Wayne Angelfish Agility 5 | Strength 6 | Stamina 7 Battle Rating 18 Origins Wayne was hatched from an ancient egg, uncovered in the arctic Can your fishy beat Wayne ?

I discovered this from her blog.

I came across this website via a friend's email. I thought it's quite interesting.

Which Mythical Creature Are You?

My primary mythical creature is Satyr and my shadow create is Dragon. (I actually wanted to be a mermaid... Oh well)

Hrm, pretty accurate...

I raised my voice

This entry is inspired by Robert's entry. About how two different point of views can get in each other's way.

On Monday, after he came back from his trip, Paw and I went out to have coffee.

Since Paw isn't much of a good conversationalist, I'm usually the one who breaks the silence.

So, we sat facing each other, at the coffee table.

We talk about some minor stuff... Then like the little whiney b*tch that I am, I start to talk about work. I talked about the stress, incase in work load, how our unit is in danger, and alternative career path.

After I mentioned how stressful and busy I have become, after I was assigned to work on a very difficult project, on top of my current projects.

Then he said:

"If they give you so much sh*t at work, you don't have to take all of them. You should have tell your manger that you only have two hands, and you can only do so much."

"Well, part of the job description is Multi-Task. I have to be able to working multiple projects at the same time."

"It is really your fault. You have the choice to tell your manager NO."

"Paw, I know. My manager isn't the bad guy. It is the big boss. She assigned him the work... Then he assigned it to me..."

"You need to start thinking for yourself... You can't please every body at once."

"But I have burdens that prevented me to think only for myself..."

Out of no where, I sudden slammed my right fist into my left palm. I raised my voice. "I understand what you are saying. But like I have said before, things are not as simple like that. I've got baggage. I have to support my family. The main reason that I have been putting up with so many things at work, is because I have to do. The big woman boss assigned my manager these works. My NY manager is already stuck with zillions of things to do... I have to do anything to help him, and you know why? If it is not for him, I would never be hired by this corporation. I came into the company with ZERO skills. Nothing. If he ended up getting fired, I'd be loosing my job too! He has been covering my ass since I started working there. And my sister too. He has been covering her as well!! My actions not only impacts me... You know? It impacts my NY manager and my sister as well!!! And I cannot allow anything like that to happen!!!"

I guess, everything really reflected on what I wrote about in the past... How that I have chosen to live a more realistic life, instead of chasing after my dream. Life, itself, is very complex. I guess, now days, I still have that 'regret' down in my heart, what constantly beg for my attention and digging out my desires. I still... Couldn't let it go.

I turned to Paw... and asked... "Didn't you say that you are not happy with your job too? I'm not familiar with your company, but in your position, you have more power and influence with your job than me. You have more control over the amount of works you have to do.... But I can't... I just can't!!"

Then, he reached over and grabbed my hand... (Oh, we were in the car, at this time)

"Hao-Lah... Don't think about it... Okay?"

He held my left hand firmly... while gently stroke my palm with his fingers.

I was totally expecting him to fire back at me... And we will get into this argument about something that isn't worthy arguing about.

But he didn't. He didn't argue. He didn't talk back.

I felt the warmth pass from his hand to mine...

I took a deep breath....

"I'm sorry... I lost control a bit... It has been... Ages since I acted like this..."

"Just let it go... And don't let it get to you." He said softly while I tried to calm down.

"Life, isn't easy. You know."

"I know."

"I'm sorry" I said as I wrapped my fingers around his hand.

He flipped his big hand over and took my entire hand into his palm.

I have asked myself before, how in the world that I'd be attracted to him THIS much?

Aside from his appearances... Chemically, I clicked with him.

We have been though a lot and experienced similar things in life... We had our rough times and drama that were simply unbearable. We may have different perspectives in life and how to approach things... But we relate to each other quite well. He has the tolerance for my bad qualities... And I have the tolerance for his...

The most important thing is... We respect each other.

It has been 8 months since we first met... And my feeling towards him hasn't change a bit.

The Chocolate Bandit

This event took place last Friday.

I was waiting at the corner with the Female Love Bird.... Waiting for the Male Love Bird to come and pick us up...

For some reason, near the place where I work, there have been having a lot of African American guys (High School age, I assume) running around with a box of M&M chocolates in their hand. Constantly, stopping people on the street and ask if they want to support their Basketball team by purchasing a bag of M&M.

We just happened to be standing at the most 'busy' corner.

A guy in red hat approached me.

"Sir, we are doing a fund raiser for our Basketball team. Would you like to support us..."

I raised my head. "Sorry, but I don't eat chocolates." ($2.00 for a bag of M&M is a bit too much. Besides, I have seen them harassing people walking by.)

He came close.

"Please Sir. We are trying really hard..."

"No. I don' t eat chocolates. I don't like chocolates."

"Please Sir!" He glare at me.

"I have no use of a bag of M&M." I replied.

He stepped forward.

"Can you just buy a bag of M&M? I'd be really appreciated." He said firmly.

"Wayne, let's go." said the Female Love Bird.

I took a step forward.

Then he stepped in-between us.

With his back facing my sister, he waved his left hand, almost slammed in the Female Love Bird's face.

"Shut up." He said.

He blocked me with his right hand.

He firmly looked into my eyes, and asked the same question.

To support his team.

"Excuse Me." I said coldly.

He repeated himself again, while pushed me a little with his right hand.

"Didn't you hear what I said? I said EXCUSE me." - I walked forward and brushed him to the side.

As soon as I walked pass him, he went around, to where the Female Love Bird was standing.

"Get out of my way." she said.

He stood up toward her, and said loudly. "F*ck, you want to start something, huh?"

"My boyfriend is a Cop. You better watch out." She warned him. (And of course, the Male Love Bird is not a Cop.)

"So what?!"

"Let's go." I walked in between them and proceed to the other side with my sister.

He went away and bugged another unfortunate walk-pass-by-er.

The Female Love Bird and I waited for the Male Love Bird at the other side of the street.

Within 3 seconds, the guy in the red hat came in front of me and asked me to buy the chocolate again.

"No." I look at him.

He asked me the question again.

"No." I said calmly.

He stood there for a sec.

Then he turned away and proceed to his next target.

I turned to the Female Love Bird...."I don't think he will bother us anymore."

It was at that moment, I heard a girl yelled..."F*cker! What the f*ck did you do that for?!"

An Asian girl, who was half way up the street, turned her head facing the red hat guy.

Her friend, a fellow Asian girl asked. "What happened?!"

"The Mother F*cker grabbed my butt!"

The other Asian girl turned to the red hat guy (who was, attacking other people with the box of chocolate) and yelled. "YOU F*CKING A$$Hole!! DAMN YOU F*CKING A$$HOLE!!!"

The Female Love Bird turned to me.

"Wow, Wayne, they are so aggressive."

"Yep. These Asian girls are definitely native New Yorkers."

*********
Note: There are more than one bandits on that street corner. Or else, I would have push him onto the ground, slam my bag (with face + hair products) in his face and crack his eggies with high-speed foot stomps.

Ex-BF#2: The Heartbreaker

I was going to post this entry on Feb. 14th - The big V-Day. But, after looking though so many 'Happy' entries on other people's blog... I'd thought not to spoiled the spirit. I posted what I wrote for Friday instead.

Several years ago, after the break up with the Vampire (Ex-Bf#1) - I was probably in the sh*ttest mood ever. Aside from becoming bitter than ever, I've also struggled with my school work. Since the bastard dumped the week before my midterms, I had the hardest time studying. Basically, I scored the lowest GPA in my life that quarter.

During that time, I didn't have any close friends. Friends whom I can share my personal problems with... (I was friends with Danni and Duckie - but we weren't close at the time)

There was, however, a guy that I have been chatting with online for months... (Let's call him Sweetheart).

Indeed, Mr. Sweetheart have been very nice to me (online) - gave me all the support and listen (well, read) to my problems... It was one night, that we made plans to meet in person on a Thursday night.

And we did. We met each other in a coffee shop in Hillcrest (The gay block in San Diego) and we chatted the night away. (I was the one doing the most talking) On our way out, he stopped by the cashier counter and picked up a 2 dollar (I'm very sensitive when it comes to money) Candy Rose... and gave it to me.

"Two BUCKS for this piece of candy?! You kidding me." I said.

"It's for you." And he placed the candy rose in my hand.

I paused a little. I wondered, since when this coffee shop started selling candies?

Then it came to me.... That Thursday was Valentine's Day. I completely forgot about it. (Blame it on the Vampire)

That was the moment, where I was deeply touched by him.

No one, was ever that nice to me.

Within the next couple weeks... We hanged out more... The gradually, one night, when we were both sitting in front of the TV... He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. Then He popped the question.

"Wayne, will you be my boyfriend?"

I nodded my head and said..."You're already my boyfriend."

"I love you."

"I love you too..."

We held hands... And cuddled for the rest of the night.

(Ahem. No. We didn't get NAKED. In case your DIRTY mind already started to wonder)

Within the next two months, he'd invited me to his house, where I met his mom (yeah, I was so scared), he cooked me dinner, we watched movies... Went to the beach... All sorts of dating stuff. I've never met anyone as sweet as him.

Mr. Sweetheart, really, indeed, is probably the nicest person that I've ever dated.

He even took me to my very first Gay Pride (1997?) in Los Angels, we went to Disneyland... Spent a lovely weekend in a beautiful resort in Downtown San Diego...

Very Romantic.

It was during the trip to Disneyland, I discovered something that scared me.

It wasn't because the fact that Mr. Sweetheart smokes... (I have a thing with smokers... I almost scratched his eyes out for smoking near me...)

I was scared of myself.

We never had any major arguments when we were dating.... But for some reason, I was really in an upset mood when we were in Disneyland.

I gave Sweetheart sh*t loads of attitudes... He didn't do anything mean to me... Nothing at all.

He even bought me a stuffed Kitty ($33 dollars value) at the Disney Store - which, I threw it on the ground and forced him to return it.

On our way back, I didn't speak any word. We drove silent back to San Diego.... Just before he dropped me off at my dorm building, he planted a kiss on my cheek... Then drove away.

I didn't speak a word.

I watched his car disappear in distance... Then I walked back into my room. I had the hardest time falling asleep... The entire time, I asked myself... "Wayne, what have you done? What have you done?!"

The fact was... I was never attracted to him. Physically.

He was there, when I was left alone and felt vulnerable emotionally.

He was there to keep me company and gave me comfort.

He gave me love.

I've said "I Love You" numerous times... But what exactly is love? If I really love him, then why wouldn't I be missing him? How come I'd never think about him when he's gone?

My body trembled and I had the urge of smashing my head against the wall.

I have done something horrible... Something that I couldn't explain...

But I knew... I have toyed with his emotion... Someone who cared about me deeply and gave me 100% of his heart.

But how can I not love him? Didn't people said that Inner Beauty is far more important than Physical beauty? How come I couldn't do it? The more I look at him, the more I want to push myself away from him.

I have used him, to recover the wounds made by the Vampire...

Mr. Sweetheart... Or should I call him... Mr. Rebound.

I avoided him since the trip... I didn't log online... I didn't pick up the phone... Whenever I emailed me and asked me when we can go out again... I'd would reply that school is very busy and I wanted to concentrate on passing my class.

Then Summer came.... I moved out of my dorm and back to my parents' house. And during that time, I completely forgot about Mr. Sweetheart's existence.

In late July... Or...August, I couldn't remember... He called my home.

"Wayne, where have you been? I haven't heard from you for the longest time."

I remained silent.

"How come you don't call anymore?"

"....."

"Do you want me to drive up you and take you out?"

I remained silent.

"Wayne, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Then I opened my mouth.

"Mr. Sweetheart, I can't go on with you anymore."

He remained silent.

"The feeling I had for you started to fade during the 2nd month of our relationship. I realized that I'm not attracted to you physically... At all... But you are so nice to me.... You are very nice... I didn't want to hurt you... But I couldn't let this go on. I don't want to pretend that I love you, because it won't be fair to you."

He didn't say a word, but I could hear his breath over the phone.

I continued: "I've took you for granted. I used you, sweetheart, I used you. You are... You are my rebound from Vampire. I think we should break up. No. Not I 'think' - I'm breaking up with you."

His breath became heavier on the other side of the phone.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"................"

"Tell me, are you okay?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry I have to do this. But I believe this is right thing to do."

".........."

"You okay?"

"Yes...."

"Okay, I've got to go. Bye."

Then I hung up the phone.

At that moment, I felt very relieved. My days was brighter than ever... No Stress... No Weights... No Nothing.

I felt, FREE.

I was, in deed, the Heartbreaker. Even though it has been 5+ years since it happened, but what I did to him forever remained the biggest guilt in my life.

The story continues... In the next Ex-Bf series, "The Slut" - Which took place 6 months after I broke up with Mr. Rebound.

***Special Thanks to Bruce for helping me with the spelling

No Good Facial

How can my blog be "WaterSea's Ocean Bloggie" if I don't talk about TOILETs? With much success with people's Google / Yahoo search on Toilets that lead to my blog, I've got to continue the tradition.

So, just a quick note, that the restroom here at the new place is.... Not pretty.

Aside from the mud-brown-ish color tiles all over the wall and floor.... The stall doors are super low. If you are standing up in the stall, 1/2 of your head is exposed to the public. Which means... You can pretty much tell who is in the stall based on the hair style.

So, yesterday, I've gotta go to the bathroom.... Since I felt uncomfortable taking my pants wide open in the restroom, I headed into one of the stalls.


As usual, the work has been super busy and stressful. But never less, I started to de-toxic myself.


Then I heard a voice coming out of the restroom...

It's him...! It's him!! It's my NY Manager. (I support two managers. One in NY, and the other in FL)


That was when I realized, I didn't really want him to see me walking out of the stall.

What if he thought I took a dump? What if he thinks I stink? What if... What if he start to chat with me about work in the damn restroom?!

I had to do something!


Then the door popped open.

I heard his foot step walking to the urinals.

Without exposing my face though the little openings of the door, and to avoid him seeing my head... I quickly bend my body over... Made sure that my head was not expose.


Since there were only two of us, I could totally hear what he was doing...

He first, un-buckled his belt... then he zipped down.....

The splashy splashy sound came afterwards... Then he start to hum...

La La La...

Then he zipped up....

The entire time, I had my head facing the toilet... Looking at my own urine...


Must be the Banana + Apple + Papaya smoothie that I had in the morning, the fume that came out of the toilet was driving me nuts.

I mean, why me?!... Why couldn't I just walk out of the stall and say... "Yo Man!" and pat him on the back?

Slowly... I heard him washing his hands at the sink... At the same time, I felt I was about to vomit...

Then he went... He walked out of the restroom...


I should be glad that I didn't had any Asparagus in the morning. Or else, it could have been worst.

I got this in the email

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner:

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting bitch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

! 4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible
INSTEAD OF:
No fucking way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be shitting me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a shit.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my fucking problem.

8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the fuck?

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This shit won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his ass

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat shit and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my ass.

14) T! RY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
Fuck it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your ass.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the hell died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING:
I see.
INSTEAD OF:
Blow me.

19) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a prick.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Picture of the Day



Captain Wakka, a character from the video game Final Fantasy X, gets his spot for Picture of the Day. But - WHY, you must be wondering.

Because...

OH MY GAWD HE LOOKED SO MUCH LIKE PAW AND THE MOST SCARY THING IS THE VOICE ACTOR WHO DID WAKKA'S VOICE IN THE US VERSION OF THE GAME SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE HIM. THE ACCENT, THE TONE, EVERYTHING. AND LIKE, OH MY GAWD, PLAYING THE GAME TOTALLY TURNS ME ON.

Yep. Paw doesn't like to be openly discussed in public, so, in respect of him, I will never post his picture on the internet...(Unless something bad happened and I end up feeling super evil) Wakka is probably the closest thing I can find that resembles Paw. (Other than the red hair, the rest is pretty much the same)

So, was he any where close to what you have pictured Paw would be?