Me Gobble Gobble


Happy Holiday, Everyone. I'm going to be on vacation and will not be back until Dec 1st. Since I will not going to have any access to the internet or a computer, my blog will be in 'sleep' mode for a while.

I can already see myself reading and catching up with blogs on Monday, when I came back.

Have a great one.

*hugs and kisses and licks and smooches and squeeze you so tight that your back cracks 3 times*

Milk, It does a body good!
This is a not quite a sequel for my previous entry. But close enough.

I moved to California at the age of 10. In a City some where within the big Orange County. (Yep. Pua, I’m from OC!) Back then, the Asian population within my home town city was 1%. In the entire Elementary, Jr. High school, there were only 4 Asian students. So, basically, I had few years of experience being a real “minority.”

During the years from Elementary to Junior High School (4 years, since I started my American student career at fifth grade.) I had total 4 major incidents of being bulled by other students. The language problem didn’t help me much, in identifying what kind of mess that I was in, or seeking help. I basically put up with it.

Out of the 4 incidents, I will blog about two of them. Since they were must more special to me.

The first incident, happened to me during my 5th grade year. (And you thought Elementary kids are cute, well, let me tell you, they are very evil!) This happened a week after I got spit on by another student (Brandon, yes. I remember you!) at the play ground. It was after school, some kids went home, some kids stayed. I usually go home like every other students. It just happened that my mom had to went to the DMV get some applications, that I stayed after school with 4 other classmates.

4-Square, is a game where each player stay within one square and hit the ball back and forth between the players. If a player failed to ‘bounce’ the ball back to another square, then he/she is out of the game. Another player would step in and fill up the empty square. Anyway, I’m sure there are better explanation about this game out on the internet, but let me back to the main story.

We were playing 4-Square at the play ground.

As the sky got darker, some of my classmates went home. Then there were only 3 of us left.

Me, Adam, and a kid-stranger.

Then there came a boy on a bicycle.

He got off from his bicycle and said something to Adam.

Adam turned to the kid-stranger and said something.

The kid-stranger shook his head.

Adam turned to me.

“He asked to join the game. XXXX (kid-Stranger) can’t stay. Do you want to play more?”
I shook my head, it was time to go home anyway.

Adam turned his head to the Bicycle Boy and told him that we are not going to play anymore.

I walked to the 4 Squares (drawn on the ground) to pick up my ball. (Yep. It was mine)

Then all of the sudden, the Bicycle Boy charge forward and whacked the ball out of my hands.

He grabbed the ball with his right hand and said something to me.

Adam: “Give it back to him, you bastard.”

“……………..” (I didn’t know what is going on, I didn’t know what to do)

Bastard: “What’s the big deal.”

I wanted to say something, but not sure how to put them in English.

Adam: “Give it back to him now. Otherwise, you will be very sorry!”

Bastard: “Whatever”

And he threw the ball back at me, and it landed in front of my feet.

I reached down and picked up the ball.

The bastard kid started shot…”F**K you, go back to China! You don’t belong here! Get the F**K out of my country!”

I turned and start to walk away with the ball in my hand.

At the same time, Adam started to ran up to that Bastard kid.

The Bastard kid jumped onto his bike and paddled away, constantly chanting something that I knew was very bad.

Adam: “It is okay Wayne. He’s stupid. Don’t pay attention to him.”

I nodded my head and said “Thank You” with very heavy Chinese accent.

I wiped the tears and nose clean before I entered the front door of my house.

Mom greeted me from the kitchen. “Ah-Wayne, how’s your day?”

Wayne: “Good.”

Then I went up to my room and turned on my cry-baby mode.

Adam, yes. He was my Elementary to High School Crush. (Okay, so I didn’t realize that I was gay in 4th grade, but I sure know who I really like during Jr. High) Status?! Okay, Adam is around my height, blond hair, crystal clear blue eyes, and he was in the High School Soccer Team. (Oh baby! I love Sa-Ka playas) Very David Beckham-ish. (They have the same eyes) I still wonder how he is doing right now… Whenever I went back home, I’d drop pass his house (I don’t know if he moved or not) and see if I can magically bumped into him. But no luck. He is the only person that I can not dig out any information on the internet.

The next incident is a major turn point in my life, and it happened during my 7th grade year.


To be continued…

Fist me, Please!

I started this entry last Friday, but the company had a fire drill rehearsal, therefore, I was forced to get out of the office early. Didn’t get to post it up on the blog. Anyway, here it is.

I’m going to write about something in the past, a very personal experience, that happened to me during fourth grade.

He’s name, well, I don’t think he had an English back then. So, I’m just going refer him as John in this entry. (He looked like a John kinda person) He was my classmate in four grade, I was around 8 or 9 years old. Unlike the female love bird (my older sister), I didn’t really start growing until I reached the age of 14, so I was one of the many ‘midgets’ in the class. (Yes. The classmates refer us as Midgets. Damn it. Later on, the female love bird started to call me Midget. Argh) John, on the other hand, was a tall guy.

On the first day of the class, the teacher assigned our seats right next to each other. I’d never expect to become friends with John. At least, on my side, I thought we were really ‘good’ friends. We share almost everything. Pencils, Erasers, Paper, answers on homework assignments, lunch, gossips, candies…

One day, I forgot what exactly that I did, got him really upset. (Ate his lunch by accident? Broke his watch? Plugged his hair?) But the result is, that I owe him a flavor… Or at least, he needs to get back at what I did.

I remember asking him, what exactly I can do to make it up for him.

He looked at me, and with a strange grin on his face, and said “Meet me by the wall next to Classroom E at lunch time.”

“Okay…”

Classroom E, is considered one of the less-noticeable room on campus. Mainly it is located right next to the janitor’s closet, all the way in the corner at the end of the hall way. Because of the tree that grew right outside of the window, the light reception was extremely bad. Due to lack of light and air circulation, the environment is extremely dark, humid and covered with moles. (Classroom was usually used for study-session and make-up testing only. It was never used as a regular classroom.)

With a grin like that, I wasn’t sure what John had in mind. Or what he wanted to do to me.

I guess I was a bit afraid of what will happen to me.

Then finally, it came. The lunch hour that everyone waited since 7 AM has arrived. (I went to a private Taiwanese elementary school, where the school hours are 7 AM – 5 PM. Yes. Very Long Day.)

Keeping my word, I went to the wall that is connected to Classroom E.

He was standing right there. Expecting my arrival.

"I'm here."

He eyed me up and down, and said, “Let me punch you.”

I was a little shocked.

In my head, I wondered why would he wanted to punch me? He could have asked me to clean his desk, or do his homework for me. There are so many things that I can do, to make up what I did to him. But why a punch? Did he really hate me? Or he just want to feel how it is like to punch someone? Was he thinking about joining some kind of gang, or want to start one? Was this part of becoming of a man-hood for him or he just want to exercise his power? But why did he want to do that to me? Aren’t we friends?

“Do whatever you want.” I said coldly.

Then he did.

He reached his right arm back, with his fist above his ear.

I kept my eyes open, looking at him.

Like an arrow off the crossbow, He thrust his fist into my face. (Back then, I was unaware of my duty of as a fairy, I didn’t protect my fragile and delicate face with both of my hands.)

He slammed his knuckles into my right cheek bone.

The impact of his fist against my face forced my body back. Fighting the force, I planted both of my feet firmly on the ground, like the roots of a tree. I arched my back to maintain my balance, so my feet would stay in the same place, then like a rubber chicken, I bounced right back into my original position.

My cheek felt numb. I couldn’t feel anything.

I looked at him in the eyes.

I was holding my breath, to let myself recover from the shock.

He looked back at me in the eyes.

It took me 4 seconds, before these words came out of my mouth:

“Is that all you got?”

He looked surprised.

Then I said.

“I didn’t feel anything.”

He was speechless.

“Are you done? If you are done, I’m gonna go. I’ve got other things to do.”

I turned my body around, with my back facing him, and walked out of the class room.

I knew that he expected me to cry.

He wanted me to burst into tears and surrender to his power.

(Well, little did he know, he should never expect too much when dealing with a Princess in training. He should be glad that I didn’t claw his eyes out.)

But I was in control of my emotion.

I didn’t want him to win.

I went up to the Boys’ Room. Grabbed a piece of the tissue from the toilet stall. Looked into the mirror and wiped off the little tear drops that were waiting to fall down.

I never talk to him again.

So, I have a new commenting system. :) Comment away, my preciousssssss...

Fud Place of the Day

Good Restaurant
89 Greenwich Avenue (between 7th & 8th Aves.)
Phone: 212.691.8080
Fax: 212.691.8193
http://www.goodrestaurantnyc.com

So I went to the GOOD restaurant with PA001 last night. It was GOOD. I mean, aside from the name of the restaurant, the food was very GOOD. At least, I didn’t puke or end up having bad stomach.

PA001 always seem to knows where to go for fine dinning. (Except for that one time, we had the most strange middle eastern food...)

Anyway, here is what we ordered:

Starter: Marinated Calamari with cucumber, baby greens, pickled red onion & crisp olive croutons with fresh dill and mint.

Review: A very refreshing starter salad. With good amount of calamari and grilled red onions, this is surely a delightful starter before any entrees. If you don’t like sea food or cold starters, than this is not the dish for you.

Wayne’s Entrée: Grilled Pork Tenderloin with creamy savory cabbage & roasted apple with cider glaze.

Review: This is recommended by PA001, and it was sure the best recommendation on food that I ever had. I’m not much of a pork eater. (Well, I’m Chinese, and I’m sure you have heard the common myth on Chinese people eat anything that moves) But I have decided to give it a try. And I’m glad I did. The Pork Tenderloin was indeed, very tender. Juicy and soft to chew. The sweet glaze over the surface of the pork combined with the marinated cabbage created the unique taste that totally satisfied my watery mouth.

PA001’s Entrée: Grilled Faicco’s Chicken Sausages on frisee-shiitake-goat cheese salad

Review: PA001 was kind enough to let me have a taste of his dish, despite that I have licked my plate clean and was totally full. The chicken sausage itself, was pretty plain, but very crunch. But as soon as I put a fork full of the goat cheese salad in my mouth, I melted completed. As a salad lover, I totally dig this salad. It had a very unique lime-mint-yummy-oh-yeah-baby taste to the dressing, which, I couldn’t quite describe. However, the taste of the salad was a little be ‘strong’ to eat as a regular salad dish. That is probably why the plain crunchy chicken sausages were added to balance the entire entrée.. .

Dessert: Warm Dark Chocolate Cake with Kahlua chocolate sauce & coffee ice cream

Review: Ever heard of the word, sweet as candy? Well, this one will definitely make your tooth hurt. VERY Sweet and VERY Chocolate!! If you are a chocolate lover, this is the thing for you!

The best part of the night, was that I ‘accidentally’ bumped into a very handsome hot dark hair dark eyes tall European guy wearing ivory colored suit pants and brown jacket. I was standing up, to put my coat on… At the same time, he was coming out from Men’s room from behind. From the reflection of the glass window, I saw him coming. So I basically leaned my body backward a little bit while trying to insert my left arm in the sleeve. Then magically, my shoulder bumped into his chest. At the moment where our bodies collapsed against each other, I threw off my balance and let my body free-fall toward the right, as if his well-build chest bounced me off. He lift his right arm, and caught my right shoulder, preventing me from falling.

I turned left and looked up.

My eyes met his eyes.

“Oh, Excuse me. I’m very sorry.”

“It is okay.”

Then I realized the handsome man is straight. There’s no chance for me, after all, to pursue anything. (Hack, I have Paw already!)

I regained my balance. Nodded my head to him. Smiled. Then walked to the exit.

Phone Memory III

*Picks up the phone*

Wayne: "Hello?"

On the other side of the phone, a very cute male voice replied in Korean.

"&*(#&!%&)%&!)%(*)$*(!)_*$(#_*!$"

Wayne: "I'm sorry, I don't speak Korean."

The very cute voice continued.

"#U*()$&*!()$&*(!$ ????"

Wayne: "I'm Sorry, I don't speak Korean."

The very cute voice continued on the other side of the phone.

"*()&%#(!)&%*()!&$*(#$&)(!#&*$()!#$...#&*($)&*($....???"

Wayne: "Uh, I'm gay and I love you."

Silence.

Wayne: "Hello? Hello?"

The man with the cute voice hung up the phone.

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Hi guys, my commenting system seemed to have been having a lot of problems lately... Sorry that I couldn't reply to your comments in time. I did managed to replied some this morning. :) Muah Muah
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Brenda, Thank you. For this. It's so cute!

Bread

This is lovely, I just a sting of hair out of this bread that I bought in China town. Actaully, I have ate 1/2 of it already. If I didn't look down, I'd probably finish the entire thing without noticing the hair.

So:

Option 1 - Keep on eating.

Option 2 - Throws it away and copy down the store number and call and totally complain and be a real b*tch about it.

Option 3 - Cut off the remaining portion into tiny pieces and gave them to co-workes.

I picked Option 1. Because this bread costed me 75 cents and I was hungry.

In the Zone


Here I am, listening to Ms. Britney Spear's latest album, In The Zone.

Thank Gawd, it's a pirated copy. (4 dollah!)

The Sunday

Warning: This is a very long entry. Read, when you feel like slacking off at work or you are really bored.

So, on Sunday, I went to the Gay Life Expo in the city. (Thanks to Henney, I got a free admission pass! – Pfft, you think I will actually pay $15.00 dollars for entering a highly commercialized promotion paradise where I actually have to pay a lot of money for stuff that I can get cheaper at the 99 cents store? Yeah right!)

But it was worth checking out though – at least, I should have checked it out on Saturday, because James from Bravo’s Boy Meets Boy was there. Which, I walked pass by on Saturday!!

Ack, did confuse you? Okay, I was actually at the Convention Center on Saturday, for the Asian Diversity Career Expo with the love birds. (Love Birds = My sister and her boyfriend) I was totally clueless that the Gay Life Expo that I read on papers is held in the same place, but in a different ballroom. At the end of the Asian Diversity Career Expo, us three went out and ready to go back to our car. That is where I spot James, on the side talking to three other guys wearing the Staff badge.

And my gawd, he looks every hotter in person. Very tall, very handsome, and very charming. But he wasn’t smiling though. Since I was with the two love birds, I didn’t had the opportunity to turn on my gossip queen mode and listen to what happened. James seemed a bit stressed. It almost seemed that he was complaining about something. (I guess he probably got groped by millions of visitor at the Vodka booth)

Anyway, due to sudden unexpected change of plan on Sunday, I went to the Gay Life Expo by myself. I called Henney that it will be myself only, going to the Expo.

So anyway, finally, Henney arrived at the Expo, gave me the Free Admission Pass.

“Okay, Wayne, let’s go int.”

Then we went in.

(Ahem, I have actually been waiting outside for 60 minutes. Based on what I saw from the window, it was very hot in there. Hot = Shirt less guys + Eye Candies + Flamers + Drag Queens + Alcohol)

The place is very crowed, in a way. (I went in at 3:30 PM) I followed Henney to the booth where he volunteered at and put my stuff there.

Henney: “Okay Wayne, we will be here to watch over the stuff. Go and have fun!”

For a second, I felt guilty. It almost seems that I’m using Henney, just to save $15.00 – I should have just stay there and hang out with Henney, keep him company.

Henney: “Remember to get all those good freebies.”

Wayne: “FREEBIES!?”

Without any hesitation, I grabbed my plastic bag and venture to get all the freebies that I can see, and left Henney at his booth by himself.

It only took me a 3 steps, to realized that I was starving. And we all know that the food in any Expo are super expensive.

Thanks to a nice fella from a booth that I don’t remember the name, I got a small cup of blue jelly beans from him. That was my miracle lunch and I swallowed them whole.
I walked around, didn’t really see anything that really caught my interest. (Expects the doggies alley. There was a entire block of booths for dog adoption and sponsorship. They were so cute.)

Around the corner, I saw a line of people.

“Oh, James is here?!”

Then I moved my body toward the booth where the line formed.

I saw… DEBORAH GIBSON! (Thanks to the big poster behind her, or else, I wouldn’t know who she is.)

Since I was ever exposed to the world of Pop Music until I was 18 years old (Before that, I was a classical music freak. I know. I was a nerd.) – Anything in the late 80’s and early 90’s, I only know Madonna, Michael Jackson, George Michael (Oh Baby!) and Paula Abdul. Everyone else was just a blur to me.

Then I look at her face.

She was wearing a very cute lime green dress with little gem stones on the shoulder strap. I couldn’t really tell the brand of the dress… Not Vera Wang… Not Parada… Not Max Mara… I was really clueless.

And her eye shadows, Lime Green on top of Apple green shade. Either Mac or Anna Sui. Only those two brand has those unique green non-transparent color with slight shimmer.

The more I look at her face, the more I recognize her.

“DEBBIE GIBSON!”

Oh, that’s her! It’s the girl that sang:

Onnnnlllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy in my ddddrrrrreeeeeaaaaaaaam……..Only in my dreeaaammm

And

Shake your loovvee.. I just can't shake your love….

I have seen her face from the VH1’s all about 80’s and one of the episodes on the Bubble Gum Pop Stars.

Since I have never had any close encounter with any pop-singers, I got myself in line and waiting along with other gay men. For some reason, I felt like I was the youngest person in the line. (Okay, so everyone else who is younger than me, don’t know who Debbie Gibson is. Uh, she was the Britney Spears in the 80’s! Before…They were born!)

One Step.

One More Step.

One More Extra Step.

I was closer and closer to Deborah Gibson.

There she was, sitting on the chair, signing Autographs…. Promoting her new CD… And a gentleman next to her said…”CD for 15, Poster for 5”

I picked up my cell phone and called Duckie.

“Duckie! Debbie Gibson is here! Do you want her autograph?!”

Duckie: “Tell her to sign on your chest… wait, your ass, that’s even better.”

Wayne: “Dude, do you want her autograph or not?”

Duckie: “Danni said that you should ask her to spank you.”

Wayne: “I can’t do that here?! There are people watching.”

Duckie: “Heh Heh, Spank me mama,Spank me!”

Wayne: “Bi*ch, you want the autograph or not?!”

Duckie: “Oh sure, Oh sure!”

Wayne: “Okay, you owe me 5 bucks.”

Then I hang up the phone.

I bought a CD and a mini poster from the man.

Looking over the guy’s shoulder, I saw Deborah signing the CD covers and the poster.

Mike, You Rock! Deborah Gibson.

Sal, You Rock! Deborah Gibson.

Jeff, You Rock! Deborah Gibson.

She smiled and signed with a silver pen.

And it was my term. I put on my happy Wayne smile and look at her in the eyes.

Deborah Gibson: “And your name?”

I handed her the CD cover. “Wayne. W-a-y-n-e.”

Deborah Gibson: “Hi Wayne.” Then she looked down and start writing on the CD cover.

I handed her the poster. “And this one is for my friend, who is your biggest fan in California.”

Deborah Gibson: “And his name?” She smiled.

Wayne: “Duc. D-u-c.”

She paused for a sec, then start writing on the poster.

After she is done, she raised her head.

I smiled at her. “Oh, thank you very much. I’m so thrilled to see you here.” (even though I’m not really a big fan of her, but heck, she’s a celebrity, right?)

She smiled back.

Then I moved out of the line, with my CD and poster.

I looked down the CD cover and saw:

'Wayne, Happy Holidays! Deborah Gibson.'

Then I look at the poster.

'Duc, Happy Holidays! Deborah Gibson.'

Happy Holidays?

Did she meant… Thanksgiving? Or Christmas? I mean, I don’t rock? Does this mean that I have to wait until Christmas before I give the poster to Duckie?

How come she didn’t write that I rock?

Uh, Why?

Then I went back to Henney’s booth.

“Look, I got Debbie – uh, Deborah Gibson’s autograph.”

Henney: “Oh yeah, its D-E-B-O-R-A-H now.”

I put my stuff away, and sat next to Henney.

Henney: “The Cheer NY cheerleaders are going to perform now. You should go check it out.”

Oh yeah, I complete forgot! And Faustus might be there too!

So I went up, behind a bunch of gay men, to watch the performance.

The first thing I noticed, was an Asian kid, constantly had his tongue sticking out.

Okay, that was a little distrubing. I know that having a great smile is very important to a cheer performance. (Thanks to MTV’s Camp Jim, I have learned so much about cheer leading) But with a TONGUE sticking out? I mean, the entire time, I was horried that he might bite on his tonue while being thrown and tossed around in the air.

Then another Asian kid caught my attention. He was constantly winking.

It was a little disturbing for me.

What happened to the smiles? Everyone else (including the girls) are smiling, then how come the Asians are doing something different?

Do they think they rock? I wondered what Deborah Gibson wrote on their autograph.

After the performance, I went back to Henney again.

“Henney, the performance was great.”

Henney: “Yeah, they are pretty good. I like that one Asian guy.”

Wayne: “Happy Holidays.”

Henney: “Huh?”

Wayne: “Never mind. Hey, you know, I think I know someone in the Cheer Leading Squad.”

Henney: “Oh yeah? What’s his name?”

Then all of the sudden, a man dressed in the cheer leader outfit came to the table.

Henney: “OH hey!”

They greeted each other. I smiled at him.

Henney: “Wayne, this is XXXX and he’s the big guy in the Squad.”

I shook his hand. “Yes. I saw you earlier. The performance was great.”

Henney: “Hey, Wayne knows someone in the squad.”

XXXX: “Oh? What’s his name?”

Wayne: “……………………………”

Then I realized, I have completed forgot Faustus’s real name.

Wayne: “I forgot his real name.”

XXXX: “Huh?”

Wayne: “I know him from the internet blog.”

XXXX: “Is he Asian? White? Hispanic?”

Then I realized, other than the fact that Faustus knows how to knit, does aerobics, writes music, play… and nothing else regarding his phyiscal appearance… But I did remember that Crash has mentioned Faustus has red hair.

Wayne: “He has red hair.”

XXXX: “Hrm, this is not helping much.”

Wayne: “Oh, it is okay, don’t worry about it. Just say Hi to everyone for me.”

(Sorry Faustus, I haven’t been taking my Gingko Biloba tablets, my memory is failing me)

Then I spent the rest of the day sitting at Henney’s booth, checking out the cute guy at the Atlantis Cruise booth across from us.

Before the Expo closed, Henney said that he’s gonna go and walk around to see if there are any cool goodies left.

Wayne: “I’ll go with you.”

Then we marched on.

While I was walking, someone pulled my right arm.

“Want a massage?”

I looked up. It was a massage theorpy booth.

There were two guys laying on the massage chair getting their shoulder hammered.

“We are closing soon. Want a massage?”

I looked at the massage chair, and looked back at him.

Wayne: “Does it hurt?”

The Man: “No, it will be very comfortable.”

Wayne: “Okay.”

I went and sat face-down on the massage chair.

Wayne: “I will not be screaming in pain or anything, right?”

The Man: “Oh, I be very gentle with you.”

Wayne: “Oh. Good. I guess.”

Then he started to massage my shoulder.

The Man: “1 minute for a dollar. 10 minutes for 10. How long do you want?

Sh*t, I didn’t know it costs money. I thought it was free.

Wayne: “uh, how about five minutes? I gotta go meet my friend.”

The Man: “10 minutes minimum.”

Wayne: “Okay, 10 minutes.”

The massage went on. And I didn’t feel anything.

Wayne: “Okay. I lied. Make me scream. I like pain. Harder, Harder!”

The Man: “Okay.”

I just want to get my 10 minutes worth the money. (I’m cheap. I can’t help it)

Then after the 10 minutes, I jumped off the massage chair.

I smiled at him. “Pretty Good. Thanks!”

I paid the 10 dollars and walked away. And it was actually just an “okay” job he did. Good techniques, but he was tired, having been massaging people all day, that he just lack that extra strength in his fingers.

Then I found Henney, and I grabbed a cookie from the Double-Tree Hotel Booth, and then said good bye to him.

“Time to go now. Thank you so much for the pass.”

Henney: “Anytime.”

Peppermint Hot Chocolate

Thanks to this guy, that he mentioned numerous of time in his blog, about the Starbucks Peppermint Hot Chocolate, which is something that is rarely (or even, don’t exist) in the US chain.

(This is not fair. Do you know that the Mc Donald's in Hong Kong and Taiwan serves Dim Sum?! How come we don’t have that here in US?! ARGH)

For being an ex-Starbucks freak. Yes. Ex. After my stomach developed serious problems, I have reduced my coffee intake. (Farewell, my sweet Iced Caramel Mochiato) And yes. I even gave up on my Dunkin’ Donuts Coffee Coolatta. All for my sick tummy… and also for my WEIGHT. YES. I have gained SO MUCH weight, my tummy vibrates for a good 5 seconds whenever I whack it.

Anyway, I was so turned on by Angelo’s description, I just had to have a cup of Starbucks Peppermint Hot Chocolate in my hand.

Here is a quote from his blog:

“For the next forty minutes, the creamy and delicious chocolate, accented with peppermint, topped with whipped cream and completed with a chocolate swirl and red sugar sprinkles kept me company…”

So, Chef Wayne decided to make his own.

Materials available at work:

Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate Mix (With Marshmallows) – Which, will give my mix the rich chocolate taste.

Various Tea Bags – Which, includes the Caffeine Free Herbal Mint tea.

Low Fat Milk – Either the low fat milk, or the half-and-half Creamer. The Low Fat Milk seem fresher, and a good substitute for the whipped cream.

Kit-Kat Bars – I found it hiding in my drawer. I think it is still eatable. Good enough to replace the chocolate swirl and sugar sprinkles.

Instructions:

1) Pour hot water in a paper cup. Insert the Caffeine Free Herbal Mint Tea.
2) Empty the bag of Hot Chocolate Mix into Wayne’s Coffee Mug. Add hot water, but leave ¼ room for other ingredients.
3) Stir the Hot Chocolate with the Kit-Kat bar.
4) Add low fat milk.
5) Continue to stir the Hot Chocolate Mix.
6) Add Caffeine Free Herbal Mint Tea into the Mix.
7) Break a new Kit-Kat bar into many little pieces. And add them to the mix.

Then I got a call to attend a phone conference. So, I left my mug filled with delicious smelling Wayne’s Peppermint Chocolate Mix on my table.

After 40 minutes, I returned to my desk, only to find that my mix has became warm. But that was okay, because I usually don’t drink HOT stuff anyway. So, I took a sip of my Peppermint Chocolate Mix… then I stood up.

I walked over to the company kitchen. Turn on the water, dump the entire mug of sh*t liquid into the sink. Rinse the mug. Dry the mug. Filled the mug with plain warm water. Go back to my desk. And start typing this blog entry.

Moral of the story: Wayne is retarded.

Ms. M

For some reason, Ms. M called me up from the deepest part of my memory today.

“Wayne, I think you should blog about me.”

So, here I am. I’m going to blog about Ms. M. My 7th grade PE (Physical Education) teacher.

At the tender age of 12, my poor English was at its peak. (Actually, to think of it, Having been in US for only two years at the time, I had no problem communicating with other class mates. I guess my English wasn’t that bad.) But I still have to go to school like every other 12 / 13 years old tender kids. Except, I have to attend the ESL session after school.

But I’m not going to write about what happened between me and that handsome Latino boy during the after school ESL session, or my encounter with the tall and handsome 8th grade basketball players.

Instead, I’m sticking to the original scheduled program. My PE teacher is a woman. Not surprising for a Junior High School. (In High School, the PE class are divided by sex. Girls have their own PE session with a female coach. Same with the guys.) So, what do we do during the PE class? Not much. We didn’t play much sports. Mainly focusing on exercise, running, and health education. (Health education, learn about your body, your heart, lungs, your this your that. Oh yeah, and sex education too. We saw this video tape that talked about the female and male reproduction system and where babies came from and more.)

Ms. M, what exactly about her that is worth me blogging about? Well, all I can say is, she is probably one of most interesting teachers that I’ve ever had during my student life. Ms. M has always been very supportive toward me. She would tell jokes during the class, which made the class more enjoyable. She would wrap her arms around me, when I feel ill during the class, then sent me to the nurse’s office. Like a mother, I would say.

Some of you, who have known me in person, may noticed how much hatred I had against cigarette smoking. I have slapped and kicked my ex Mr. #2 so many times because he’s an aggressive smoker. Well, I can really say it was Ms. M who influenced me.

In one of her Physical Health class, we learned how smoking is bad for our lungs. She brought in jars containing specimens of ‘polluted’ lungs to class. We saw numerous video tapes on the effect of smoking, lung cancer, bad yellow teeth, and the old man that has a big hole on the bottom of his neck. Having to learn to hate cigarette for 6 weeks. I basically became a cigarette crusader. I mean, He*l, I even won the “Create your own Anti-Smoking Calendar” contest.

Anyway, I was such a proud anti-smoking crusader, that I felt it was my duty to save the human kind from lung cancer, that I told my uncle to stop smoking. I told my dad to stop smoking during his business trip. I beat the sh*t out of my little cousin for being curious about smoking.

Then one day, I heard a rumor during lunch time.

“Do you know that Ms. M smokes?”

“No Way!”

”She does! Stacey saw her smoking in the car!”

“When?”

“Last weekend.”

Then everything that I learned from Physical Health class flooded my brain. I was really troubled by the news, that Ms. M smokes. If she smokes like there’s no tomorrow, then how can she tell us not to smoke? How can she be a role model when she can’t even do the right thing? What IS the right thing?

My tender pure gentle heart shattered. At least, a portion of it. (See how easily rumors can affect a pure soul?)

It was not until I walked pass her car, and saw packs of cigarette on the front seat, I gave up seeing her as a role model.

No offense to the smokers, but even now days, I still feel some resistant when smokers are around. The smell of the smog makes me feel ill. I’d get really dizzy…and can be easily taken advantage of. (Hint Hint) Oh, did I mention, Paw is a heavy smoker? I hope I will not die from Lung Cancer.

Near the end of the semester, after the one mile running thing, I walked into the boy’s locker room, to pee. (Yep. The urinals are located right inside of the locker room, next to the shower) Before I stepped into the locker room, I saw two boys from another class walking out, giggling at each other.

“Hehehehehe”

“Hahaha”

“Hehe”

“Hahaha”

I was puzzled.

I walked pass the two boys and into the locker room.

Step by step, I walked toward the urinal.

Then I saw Ms. M’s picture sticker.

I blinked.

Note: For the year book, every one on campus (including the instructors) is required to have pictures taken. I spent $50.00 dollars on pictures that made me looked like a mushroom. (Ahem. You now, the famous BOWL-cut hair.) For $75.00, the package include more sheets of big size photos, and a sheet of photo stickers.

Then I look at her picture again.

She smiled back.

Someone has posted the picture of Ms. M right at the center of the urinal.

“Poor Ms. M, the edge of the picture is all yellow… “ I said to myself.

Indeed, the color on the picture had faded due to the heavy golden shower. Yet, in the picture, she’s still smiling, as if she really enjoys the shower.

I untie the strings around my shorts, getting into my pissing position.

I looked down.

Then I looked up a little bit.

And I looked down into Ms. M’s eyes.

“Did you know that you are a liar?”

She smiled back.

“Maybe this is what you deserved.”

She smiled back at me. The same smile that she always give me during the class.

I didn’t pull down my shorts.

I held my pee.

I walked around the locker room and found a sheet of gum wrapper.

I picked it up.

I walked back to the urinal.

With my index finger and thumb behind the tiny gum wrapper, I grabbed the edge of Ms. M’s picture, and tore it off the pee spot.

Toss the picture along with the wrapper into the trash can.

“Now we are even.”

Then I peed.

I flushed the urinal and walked back to the class.

“What took you so long?” John asked.

“I drank too much water.” I replied.

Then we went to join other boys at the pull-up bar.

I was a hero. At least, I thought I was. But no one seemed to notice that I have saved Ms. M from the Pee-Face Voodoo curse.

Guys... If you added my Blog on to your site, please let me know, okay? So I can return the favor. (YES. I'm talking about you! You have no idea how surprised that I was to find my site linked on your site. Damn it, you gotta tell me! So I can link you!!! *spank* *spank* *spank*)

You are Not A FOB.
Why did you take this test? You are as American as
a wiener in an apple pie. Do you know how to
use chopsticks?


How much FOB are you? (Fresh Off the Boat)
brought to you by Quizilla

I totally nailed the last question. Yep.

Picture of the Day



Crocodile: “Smile for the camera! I’m a movie star!!”
Lobster: “Get out of my way, you are blocking me!”
Fishy: “Guys… Uh… I can’t breathe… I’m being sandwiched.”

On The Vinegar Train

I stayed at work 1 hour over my regular scheduled off-work time. Which, wasn’t that bad. Since I usually stayed overtime anyway. (Isn’t it lovely that I don’t get paid over time? I =love= corporations) In order to catch the train, I rushed out of work without washing my coffee mugs. (Which, it was fill with honey-green tea, therefore, it was all sticky when I come into work this morning.)

The subway ride was slow. The random dispatcher stops got me all heated up. I was very tight in schedule to catch the train back home. I have no desire and energy to wait 25 minutes for the next train.

Ding.

The subway train moved.

Ding.

The subway train stopped.

Ding.

The subway train moved.

Ding.

The subway train stopped.

A man came into the door and totally brushed against me so hard, that I had to take a step back.

Damn, that’s his problem?

Ding.

The subway train started to move.

(#*&*%(!)&%*!&%_)!&%*(!#_%&**!%!#!

So, I finally made my way to the famous Penn Station. I dashed out of the subway and hip-pop-jump my way down the stairs. (Believe me. It is a sight to see me flying down the stairs wearing a suit, dress shoes, carrying lunch bags in my hand, and yet, didn’t trip or missed a step. Sometimes, I felt like one of those giant cockroaches from the movie, The Mimic.)

With a quick glance at the track table, I dashed toward the tunnel where the train parked

Ding.

With lighting fast speed, I forced myself into the train door.

Ding.

Just in time. I made it. I have made it. I can finally go home on time. It was a short touchy moment for me.

I looked around and found no seats available for my butt to rest on, so, I decided to stand near the doors. (Since I have gained so much weight, I could use some exercise…. Standing, that is.)

Then I smelled something.

Sniff, Sniff, Sniff

Oh crap.

Rice Vinegar.

That is what it smelled like. Or something that is really sour.

So, someone must have spilled some spoiled fruit juice near the door. That’s fine. I’ll go to the next cart.

All of the sudden, school of fish.. I mean, people started to merge in from other carts… In no time, I was pushed back against the door, right on the ‘vinegar spot.’

Great. And I’m wearing my recently-dry-cleaned suit.

That’s fine. Sooner or later, my nose will get used to it.

I grabbed onto the handle with my right hand ( I was carrying my lunch bags with my left), closed my eyes to get some rest.

Well, more like sleeping. I totally fell asleep while standing among other people at the door way.

Maybe it has been 5 minutes or 10. But I was awaken by a sudden push from my left side.

I opened my eyes and ready to bark at whoever pushed me.

Then I realized that I was so deep asleep, that I have lost my grip on the handle and slammed my body against the door.

Ah.

Took a steady breath, I re-position my right hand and continued my rest.

Maybe after 5 or 10 more minutes. I heard a “BANG”

I opened my eyes. Looked around.

Oh, I dropped my lunch bags on the ground.

I picked up the bags with my left hand, faced the door window to check if I have drooled or not in the reflection, then resumed my elegant and professional posture.

Maybe it’s a good idea to stay away.

It order to keep myself awake. I made up a little game for myself.

I started to name the people around me. The man in front of me, I called him “Mr. Mayo.” Because when I first gone on the train, he was eating his sandwich. Little did he realize, he got mayonnaise all over his chin. Since I felt like a mischievous little bit*h, I decided to let him be the mysterious white chin man for the rest of the evening.

The woman to my right, I called her “Madam Butterfly.” Since she was wearing a beautiful royal purple rain coat over her pale purple shirt, covering her dark purple pants. Around her waist, she has this very eye-catching caramel brown leather belt. On top of her head, she had this very pretty floral pale brown hat, that was in the process of drying up. (It was raining last night) I just thought that her outfit was so pretty, and for her age, she deserves to be a Madam. (Or I could have just called her Ms. Old Grape, but then, that would be too cruel. Besides, I’m too nice to ever thought of her that way.)

There were two men standing diagonally across from me, leaning against the other door, chatting. And one of them is gay. I was so sure with that. Though all these years, every single steps that I took of becoming a queen, my gaydar has become more sensitive and powerful. I can easily detect the presence of another queen… And it is my duty, to secure my throne.

Anyway, I couldn’t tell if the other man is gay or not. Since, he had his back facing me. I called them “The Two Men,” since I couldn’t really think of any other names. (“The Queen and the Stable Boy” just don’t quit fit them, besides, I wanted to be nice.)

Then I decided to turned around, and who knows, maybe there’s a cutie sitting behind this plastic wall-thingy behind me.

So I turned.

!

EEEEK!!!!

Behind me, was a poster promoting the Christmas Show at the Radio City Music Hall.

And I was totally freaked out by the picture of the Radio City Music Hall girl. (To see the picture, click here and then look at the picture on the upper left corner) She caught me by surprised. I wasn’t expecting see something like that.

She had the biggest eyes and smile that I have ever seen. Especially with that two red dots glued on her cheeks. She totally freaked me out. All the sleepy bugs in my head fled like there’s no tomorrow. (Did I mention that I have Coulrophobia? )

I was wide awake. (Thank you, Radio City Music Hall girl!)

I turned back to face Mr. Mayo, then start to check out other posters around me.

Behind Mr. Mayo, there was some Scuba Diving Poster. Okay, big deal.

Behind Madam Butterfly, well, I can’t see anything. Since she is standing parallel to me.

At the corner of The Two Men, was a poster of a handsome Brooks Brothers poster. Brooks Brothers is a well known business wear tailor company. And their models are all very handsome and gorgeous looking. Same applies to that poster.

Right after the next stop, there The Two Men got off the train, I quickly migrated myself and take over their spot. I’d rather be standing to Mr. Model than the Radio City Music Hall girl.

Wow, what a handsome man. I won’t use the word HOT to describe this Brooks Brothers model. Since he is looking so professional and sophisticated.

He has nicely groomed dirty brown hair, gentle dark blue eyes, totally kiss-able lips, and broad shoulders. Moving my eyes from the tip of his hair down, I see Brooks Brothers designer had really made this man handsomer than ever. Dark blue suit jacket with thin strips, silver-teal blue neck tie, clean and nicely ironed white shirt… And inside of the suit jacket, he was wearing the matching patterned vest. I couldn’t quit see what belt he was wearing, since the vest was pretty long, and covered up this waist area.

Then I saw his penis.

I mean, penis… Yeah, I mean, Wee-Wee.

Someone has drawn a penis in between Mr. Model’s crotch with a pen. It was pretty hard to see the penis, unless you are at the face-to-face position with the poster.

So, I was looking at Mr. Model’s penis. Which, I thought it was inappropriate, since I haven’t even ask him out for dinner yet. No, what I meant was, I shouldn’t stand there looking at Mr. Model’s penis while Madam Butterfly is standing right behind me. Since she has been standing there for a while, she must have noticed the penis. And she is looking at me looking at Mr. Model’s penis.

I turned my body away from the poster slightly, trying to pretend that I was looking outside of the door and checking out the scenery. (Did I mention tit was raining and totally dark outside?)

For some reason, my head kept on turning back toward the poster.

Wow, this guy even drawn the pubic hair!

Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t be doing this. She’s looking at me!

Damn, this man is big.

Ack, Wayne. Stop it. Stop it. Control yourself!

Then Ding.

My stop.

I got out of the train.

And went home.

Weed

*Cell Phone Shakes*

*Wayne picks up the phone*

Wayne: "Hello"

Dad: "Wayne! It's your Father!"

Wayne: "Hi Papa."

Dad: "Busy at work right now?" (Said in Chinese)

Wayne: "Sorta." *typing* *typing* *typing*

Dad: "I have a question for you. English related."

Wayne: "Ok." *typing* *typing* *typing*

Dad: "Dah-Ma di Yin-Wen zhi ma shou?" (How do you say Weed in English)

Wayne: "Dah-Ma? It's Weed."

Dad: "The 5 leaves plant?"

Wayne: "I think so."

Dad: "Oh. What is the benefit of it?"

Wayne: "Well, you know. Weed, make you feel good, I suppose. And then you get addicted to it." *typing* *typing* *typing*

Dad: "I know that. What else?"

Wayne: "You can grow it any where. In college, I have seen some student growing their own weed in the closet." *typing* *typing* *typing*

Dad: "And what else?"

Wayne: "That's all I can think of. I never used weed. Why?" *stops typing*

Dad: "What benefit does it have on your body?"

Wayne: "You smoke it and make you feel good, relaxed, and see pretty things."

Dad: "On your body. Like using it as a cream."

Wayne: "What do you mean?"

Dad: "Rub it on your body. Like herb remedy."

Wayne: "Never heard of that."

Dad: "Your mom's friend gave her a tube of Weed Cream."

Wayne: "Weed Cream?"

Dad: "With 5 leaves design on it."

Wayne: "What does it say on the label?"

Dad: "I'm not sure..."

Wayne: "Spell out the name of the cream."

Dad: "H - E - M-P..."

Wayne: "Dad, that's different. It is the hand cream from The Body Shop. A shop that sells cream, shower gel, stuff like that."

Dad: "Oh, I thought it's weed."

Wayne: "It is okay. I thought it was weed cream when I first saw the product in the store."

Dad: "Okay. Can men use it?"

Wayne: "Of course, I use it myself. " (I use the tester at the store)

Dad: "Okay. Your mom didn't want to use it. So she gave it to me."

Wayne: "Does it spell H-A-N-D P-R-O-T-E-C-T-O-R some where?"

Dad: "Yes. In the brown box."

Wayne: "Okay, it's for hands. Safe to use."

Dad: "Okay. Thank you."

Wayne: "Anything else?"

Dad: "No. That is it. I'll let you get back to work."

Wayne: "Ok."

Dad: "Bye Bye"

This brief phone conversation reminded me a couple years ago, when I moved back home from San Diego, my dad came running to me.

Dad: “Wayne!!” (He looked really nervous)

I turned my face away from the monitor…”Yeah?”

Dad: “What is this?!” (Said with trembling voice)

Then he held up my glass tea brewer.

Wayne: “Huh?”

Dad: “What is this!!” (He looks at me in the eyes)

Then I grab the contain from his hand. And said, “I’ll show you.”

I went to the kitchen cabinet and pull out the Cherry Green Tea box. I grabbed a tea bag out of the box and threw it in the brewer.

Wayne: “Then, you add hot water….And…”

Dad: “Oh, Tea Pot.”

Wayne: “Yep. Sister got it for me.”

Dad: “Okay.” (With a relief on his face)

Then he walked away. He must thought that was a glass bong or something.

PS. Bong is something that you use to smoke grass with. Okay, Kids. don't do this at home. It's not good for you. We should all use Hemp instead.

And, just now, I realized it wasn’t a tea brewer. As I was looking for a picture of this thing… It is actually called a “MOCHA PRESS” – Gawd, I feel stupid.

Like Oh My Gawd

Okay, so Bob was at my desk. I mean, there shouldn’t be any problem. He came to my desk to give me more details, because we have been exchanging email back and forth regarding some work stuff. Which, seems to be a normally thing on a regular working day.

The problem was. I forgot to turn off my AIM.

So we were talking, then all of the sudden, his eyes glitch. He saw something on my screen.

Hi Wa Wa

I turned around, and click on any other already opened application to cover it up.

Bob: “What’s what?”

Wayne: “Oh, you know. The messenger.”

Bob: “Oh, the Chat thing.”

Wayne: “Yeah. I’d be so bored to death without it at work.”

Bob: “I can’t believe the company allows that to be installed.”

Wayne: “Randy has it. Donald has it. Everyone behind the door behind you has it.”

Bob: “Oh.”

Then I changed the subject to system blah, application blah, and blah blahs.

Like oh my gawd, he saw the message. He saw someone called me Wa Wa. OH my gawd, I mean, he’s so gonna tell everyone at work, since he’s a big gossip queen himself. Argh, why didn’t I sign off from AIM… But again I didn’t know Bob would drop by like that, he totally caught me… I mean, I was sorta kinda scared, but now to think about it, why would he care, but then he’s really bored at work, so he gotta find something to amuse himself, which including gossiping about me using the company un-approved application during working hours and chatting and being called a Wa Wa.

I guess I’ll have poison him before the word gets around.