On The Vinegar Train

I stayed at work 1 hour over my regular scheduled off-work time. Which, wasn’t that bad. Since I usually stayed overtime anyway. (Isn’t it lovely that I don’t get paid over time? I =love= corporations) In order to catch the train, I rushed out of work without washing my coffee mugs. (Which, it was fill with honey-green tea, therefore, it was all sticky when I come into work this morning.)

The subway ride was slow. The random dispatcher stops got me all heated up. I was very tight in schedule to catch the train back home. I have no desire and energy to wait 25 minutes for the next train.

Ding.

The subway train moved.

Ding.

The subway train stopped.

Ding.

The subway train moved.

Ding.

The subway train stopped.

A man came into the door and totally brushed against me so hard, that I had to take a step back.

Damn, that’s his problem?

Ding.

The subway train started to move.

(#*&*%(!)&%*!&%_)!&%*(!#_%&**!%!#!

So, I finally made my way to the famous Penn Station. I dashed out of the subway and hip-pop-jump my way down the stairs. (Believe me. It is a sight to see me flying down the stairs wearing a suit, dress shoes, carrying lunch bags in my hand, and yet, didn’t trip or missed a step. Sometimes, I felt like one of those giant cockroaches from the movie, The Mimic.)

With a quick glance at the track table, I dashed toward the tunnel where the train parked

Ding.

With lighting fast speed, I forced myself into the train door.

Ding.

Just in time. I made it. I have made it. I can finally go home on time. It was a short touchy moment for me.

I looked around and found no seats available for my butt to rest on, so, I decided to stand near the doors. (Since I have gained so much weight, I could use some exercise…. Standing, that is.)

Then I smelled something.

Sniff, Sniff, Sniff

Oh crap.

Rice Vinegar.

That is what it smelled like. Or something that is really sour.

So, someone must have spilled some spoiled fruit juice near the door. That’s fine. I’ll go to the next cart.

All of the sudden, school of fish.. I mean, people started to merge in from other carts… In no time, I was pushed back against the door, right on the ‘vinegar spot.’

Great. And I’m wearing my recently-dry-cleaned suit.

That’s fine. Sooner or later, my nose will get used to it.

I grabbed onto the handle with my right hand ( I was carrying my lunch bags with my left), closed my eyes to get some rest.

Well, more like sleeping. I totally fell asleep while standing among other people at the door way.

Maybe it has been 5 minutes or 10. But I was awaken by a sudden push from my left side.

I opened my eyes and ready to bark at whoever pushed me.

Then I realized that I was so deep asleep, that I have lost my grip on the handle and slammed my body against the door.

Ah.

Took a steady breath, I re-position my right hand and continued my rest.

Maybe after 5 or 10 more minutes. I heard a “BANG”

I opened my eyes. Looked around.

Oh, I dropped my lunch bags on the ground.

I picked up the bags with my left hand, faced the door window to check if I have drooled or not in the reflection, then resumed my elegant and professional posture.

Maybe it’s a good idea to stay away.

It order to keep myself awake. I made up a little game for myself.

I started to name the people around me. The man in front of me, I called him “Mr. Mayo.” Because when I first gone on the train, he was eating his sandwich. Little did he realize, he got mayonnaise all over his chin. Since I felt like a mischievous little bit*h, I decided to let him be the mysterious white chin man for the rest of the evening.

The woman to my right, I called her “Madam Butterfly.” Since she was wearing a beautiful royal purple rain coat over her pale purple shirt, covering her dark purple pants. Around her waist, she has this very eye-catching caramel brown leather belt. On top of her head, she had this very pretty floral pale brown hat, that was in the process of drying up. (It was raining last night) I just thought that her outfit was so pretty, and for her age, she deserves to be a Madam. (Or I could have just called her Ms. Old Grape, but then, that would be too cruel. Besides, I’m too nice to ever thought of her that way.)

There were two men standing diagonally across from me, leaning against the other door, chatting. And one of them is gay. I was so sure with that. Though all these years, every single steps that I took of becoming a queen, my gaydar has become more sensitive and powerful. I can easily detect the presence of another queen… And it is my duty, to secure my throne.

Anyway, I couldn’t tell if the other man is gay or not. Since, he had his back facing me. I called them “The Two Men,” since I couldn’t really think of any other names. (“The Queen and the Stable Boy” just don’t quit fit them, besides, I wanted to be nice.)

Then I decided to turned around, and who knows, maybe there’s a cutie sitting behind this plastic wall-thingy behind me.

So I turned.

!

EEEEK!!!!

Behind me, was a poster promoting the Christmas Show at the Radio City Music Hall.

And I was totally freaked out by the picture of the Radio City Music Hall girl. (To see the picture, click here and then look at the picture on the upper left corner) She caught me by surprised. I wasn’t expecting see something like that.

She had the biggest eyes and smile that I have ever seen. Especially with that two red dots glued on her cheeks. She totally freaked me out. All the sleepy bugs in my head fled like there’s no tomorrow. (Did I mention that I have Coulrophobia? )

I was wide awake. (Thank you, Radio City Music Hall girl!)

I turned back to face Mr. Mayo, then start to check out other posters around me.

Behind Mr. Mayo, there was some Scuba Diving Poster. Okay, big deal.

Behind Madam Butterfly, well, I can’t see anything. Since she is standing parallel to me.

At the corner of The Two Men, was a poster of a handsome Brooks Brothers poster. Brooks Brothers is a well known business wear tailor company. And their models are all very handsome and gorgeous looking. Same applies to that poster.

Right after the next stop, there The Two Men got off the train, I quickly migrated myself and take over their spot. I’d rather be standing to Mr. Model than the Radio City Music Hall girl.

Wow, what a handsome man. I won’t use the word HOT to describe this Brooks Brothers model. Since he is looking so professional and sophisticated.

He has nicely groomed dirty brown hair, gentle dark blue eyes, totally kiss-able lips, and broad shoulders. Moving my eyes from the tip of his hair down, I see Brooks Brothers designer had really made this man handsomer than ever. Dark blue suit jacket with thin strips, silver-teal blue neck tie, clean and nicely ironed white shirt… And inside of the suit jacket, he was wearing the matching patterned vest. I couldn’t quit see what belt he was wearing, since the vest was pretty long, and covered up this waist area.

Then I saw his penis.

I mean, penis… Yeah, I mean, Wee-Wee.

Someone has drawn a penis in between Mr. Model’s crotch with a pen. It was pretty hard to see the penis, unless you are at the face-to-face position with the poster.

So, I was looking at Mr. Model’s penis. Which, I thought it was inappropriate, since I haven’t even ask him out for dinner yet. No, what I meant was, I shouldn’t stand there looking at Mr. Model’s penis while Madam Butterfly is standing right behind me. Since she has been standing there for a while, she must have noticed the penis. And she is looking at me looking at Mr. Model’s penis.

I turned my body away from the poster slightly, trying to pretend that I was looking outside of the door and checking out the scenery. (Did I mention tit was raining and totally dark outside?)

For some reason, my head kept on turning back toward the poster.

Wow, this guy even drawn the pubic hair!

Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t be doing this. She’s looking at me!

Damn, this man is big.

Ack, Wayne. Stop it. Stop it. Control yourself!

Then Ding.

My stop.

I got out of the train.

And went home.