Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Toilet Tale: Splatter Splat Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Warning: The following contains graphical graphics that may not be suitable for the innocent minds. If you are under the age of 17, please make sure that your parents are not around, before reading the entry. I don't want them to send me hate mails.


Back in the old building has been a rather pleasant experience. Aside from being one of the potential "TARGETS" of the bombing... The employees are required to obtain a restroom key before they can release the toxins in their body. So, our restroom is exclusive for people working on the floor.

But for reason, people on the same floor also produce the nastiest smelling poo. (Oh, of course. NOT including me. I eat healthy and drink Floral Tea.) There are times, our restroom would smell like spoiled Guacamole with Sour Cream, and no one would use the toilet for hours.

So, that one day, maybe I had too much HOT CAKE in the morning or just had too much Planters Mix Nuts, my stomach was tumbling as if it was doing a floor exercise during an Olympic Event.


My stomach wasn't feeling too well. I knew that a flood would take place soon... And if I didn't do anything about it, things will go off control.

I took a quick glance at the clock.

11:23 PM

Great. It's passed 11.

Usually, no one would use the restroom from 7-10:30 PM, that's where everything would be nice and clean. But after 11PM, people would start go in and do their business.

But when you had to go, You've got to go.

And I did.

Speeding walking wasn't that bad. It gave my stomach just enough exercise to ensure that everything would come out nicely, and smoothly --- at a faster rate.

After unlocking the restroom door with my trembling hand, I went in.


The place smelled nasty. As if 50 people had been repeatedly used the restroom within the last 20 minutes.

The air was filled with the unique spoiled egg scent - with a hint of sour dough.

But I didn't have much choice. It'd take too long for me to get to the restroom down stairs... I might not even make it.

So I went to the stalls...

Which one should I use?

Tough choice. It was. I had no desire of opening one of surprise-doors and found my prize to be someone's vomit.

I wanted a clean toilet.


Something that I can easily put 4 layers of Oil-Absorbing Toilet Seat Covers without having to hand-wipe the seat first.


My stomach screamed.

I randomly ran into one of the stalls.

And the first thing I saw, was the open toilet seat with...


Yes. The previous dump-er farted while taking the dump. The force of the fart blown parts of the liquidly sh*t onto the side of the bowl.

I could almost pictured the entire "Splatter-Splat-Blah-Blah-Blah-Blah-Blah" process in my head.


I backed myself out.

It was gross. So gross. Of all these time that I've worked with the company, I have never, ever seen anything like that.


My stomach gave out the warning signal.

I had to go. I had to go bad.

Then I ran into the stall to the right.

And was stunned by what I saw.

It had the similar fart splatter in the inner bowl area, but more this time. But something was different. I quickly identified that I saw...

BLOOD. Who ever was using this toilet, must had a lot of food, a lot of gas, and a lot of internal hemorrhoids.

I recovered fast enough to run into the last stall.

And saw what I have been trying to avoid the most.

The pile of un-flush-fresh Poo. The source of the aroma that had been terrifying the employees for years.


Why would anyone, want to leave that pile in the toilet?!

Just a simple push (or kick) - and flush the damn thing down!


My stomach was in the state of emergency.

Holding my breath, I ran out of the stall as fast as I could.

And at the same time, foot steps were approaching the main door.

People were coming in.

With the speed of a train-ninja-wanna be, I slipped myself behind the main door and into the Handicapped stall.

And I was 100% certain they didn't see my face. I hate it when people saw me using the toilet.

Even though I felt slightly guilty for using the handicapped stall, but when a volcano was about to burst, not thing really matters.

Even though I was in a hurry, I still managed to place the toilet seat covers on the seat without missing any corners.

I sat myself down.

And let the de-toxic process flow.

And at the same time, I heard the men yelling...

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