Wednesday, February 04, 2004

January and February

I'd probably mentioned this before, or maybe not. Ever since I turned 19, the first two months of the year, I tend to be very emotional. Depressed, maybe. But my mood can be easily affected by slighted thing. Damn, my sensistive months.

Last night, my sister and I were watching a Chinese Soap, based on a Chinese Novel (Saga). (For those of you who are familiar with Jing-Young, the series is called "Tian Long Ba Bu") Personally, I have read the novel series more than a hundred times. (Never got tired of it) And have saw other TV versions of it couple years back...

There is part in the story, where one of the main characters accidentally killed the woman who he loves (the woman disgusted as her father, whom the main guy seek revenge of...) However, after he Dragon-palmed the woman to death, he found out that it was HER, not HIM. He cried and went crazy and like totally, wahhed. It was a tear driven moment. After wards, he then found out that the woman's father wasn't the person he was looking for (revenge) - and everything was a setup. Basically, the woman died for nothing.

Damn, I totally wahhed inside. (Couldn't cry when sister was sitting next to me)

I've already know the plot, I knew what is going to happen, but saw the scene again on TV, pumped my virtual-tears out of me.

My body was shaking and heart was beating prior to the actual "killing" scene.
I didn't really want to see that part... I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it... But what can I do, I have to be ultra butch in front of my sister.

Then it came. He knock her out of the bridge, and then her mask fell off... Reveled her actual face.... He saw her... He screamed. He jumped off the bridge to catch her body... But couldn't.... Her body fell in the river, while blood bursts out of her lips... He grabbed her, and asked.

"Why?! What is going on?! Why you?" He held her tightly in her arms with tears spewing out like bullets.

The expression on his face sent electricity thought my body. The tension was so intense, it almost drove me to the restroom to Wahh my heart out.

I couldn't sleep last night... And even now at work, I couldn't get it out of my head.

Just... So Sad...

That is one thing I have noticed, since I have gotten OLDER. I used to be a pretty cold-blood person. I was, really. I was such a mean mean mean mean MEAN person. Even now days, when I think back in time, of all the EVIL things I did... I felt ashamed of myself.

I guess the more years we lived, the more we experience. And often, these experiences helped us to related to certain things on TV, in movies, and in other people's life.

During the first heart-breaking moment that I had with Mr. Ex #1 - I didn't know how to react to that kind of situation. Then gradually, though Ex #2 and #3 - and even #4 - I have learned to react and express the pressure underneath of my chest. Having to watch friends went though their own ordeal - I've learned to relate more to them... And would constantly tried to help them release that pressure... that pain.

Sometimes, I felt that it is great, that I have became a more compassionate person... (Ever felt like crying when you see dead animals on the street?) But on the other hand, I tend to worry more intensely about other people's problem, that it ended up becoming my own stress. (Example, sister and male love bird's problem)

Danni once asked me, "Wayne, I'm not even THAT worried... and why are you stressing out about MY problem?"

I couldn't answer him. Even now, if he asked me the same question, I wouldn't know what to say.

Hrm, I guess that is one reason why I only like to watch Action, Sci-Fi, and Action Movies. (What? Did I cry when I first saw Titanic? Nah - but I almost did during the 4th time)

Random Note: Anyone familiar with Vancouver, BC area can help The Yum Yum Brotherhood?

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