Thursday, January 29, 2004

Ex-BF #1: The Vampire

We were both young,
Filled with curiosity,
What is it like, to have a relationship.

People talk about it,
Online and off line.

You messaged me.
I answered back.
On a specific night in July.

We chatted.
We emailed.
Words filled with hope and desire.
Lust, to be exactly.
I wanted love, not knowing what it is.
You wanted love, I thought.

Like I have known you for years,
We changed thoughts behind the computer screen.
As if, you were my boyfriend.

You were up in LA,
And I was down in SD.
But that didn't stop us.

2 Months after, we've finally met.
2 Hours of Train ride, wasn't bad.
Thanks to John, that I found you.

Finally, face to face.
Not expected.
You were different.
You smoke.
You have tattoo.

Do you have job, I asked.
No, you answered.
How do you make a living, I asked.
Mom, you said.
You came from a single parent family.
A family consist your mom, your half sister and your mom's boyfriend.
Wow, I thought. I've never known anyone like that.

I'd better take good care of you, I promised myself.

You're a Goth.
Dresses in black.
Vampire, you addressed yourself.
Weirdo, I thought.
But will never heard that from me.
Because, you are my boyfriend. I thought.
I will love you for no matter what.

Tried to be a good lover,
I refused to let you starve.

I applied to work on campus.

Few weeks after, I earned enough for the train again.
We met.
You showed me your campus.
Nice, I thought. In a way.
I gave you the food I got.
You happily accepted them.

The smile on your face brought me a smile.

The cycle continued. Until...

5 Months, I think, that we dated.
6 Times that I have met you in person.
7 Days before my 19th Birthday, you changed my life.

Like always, we were online.
We messaged each other.
For some reason, you said that I cheated on you.
What? I thought.
Then you start to blah out harsh words.
Words so cold, that my heart stopped beating.

"It's over" you wrote.
I didn't remember the exact words no more.
But you wanted to end everything.

"Never want to talk to you again."
"Never want to see you again."
Words floating around my head.

Roommate asked. "Wayne, You okay?"
I turned. "Oh, I'm so stressed."
My words were trembling.
My body was shaking.

I went out of the room, to the roof top.
In that star-filled night.
I was clueless. I didn't know what to do.
I was lost.
I was really lost.
I sat at the corner, waiting for my body to stop shaking.
Minutes, maybe.
Or even hours passed.
I returned to my dorm.

Acted like nothing happened.

There was never a fairy tale for me.
The reality is, a tale is a tale.
It will never come true.

JoeD, my online friend since 17.
Did warn me about the Vampire.
They went to the same school.
"I told you already. He's no good."
I never listened.
I wanted a boyfriend so bad.
"Wayne, let me tell you..."
And I listened.

It turned out.
That daytime-soap-like night.
The Vampire was on drugs.

Doesn't matter.
It's over.

I continued to work.
I studied.
I went to support groups.
And I made friends.

The process was tough and long.
But I have no regrets.
I grew, from all these.

I want to thank you, for the reality call.
I experienced scenes from day time soap.
Even though you continued to hurt me.
With your hook-up stories.
I grew stronger.
And finally, I had the strength.
To pull myself away from your domain.

You gave me both happiness and pain.
You have taught me a lesson of life.
And I appreciate it.

I have gave you lots of stuff too.

And my once soft-tender hands.
(Damn dish room ruined me)

But I never gave you...

My Tears.

Not even a single drop.

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