Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Drag-A-Venature II: Jennifer Ass and Britney Boobies Part 2

This entry is the second part of Drag-A-Venature II.

The night before the show, Duckie and I sneaked into a room in the school gym, I brought my CD and he brought his portable CD player. After I did my routine in front of Duckie, we started to work on Duckie’s portion and our finale. I listened to “Make my boobies one more size” a couple of times, then I showed Duckie what I would to if I was performing that track. (Since my portion was pure-dancing and ass-shaking, I wanted Duckie’s to be sexy and hella funny) Duckie made some adjustments and went over the blocking with me several times.

“Yeah? You think we got it?”

“We gonna nail this thing!”


On the day of the performance. We went to the student center theater at our scheduled rehearsal time. Right after we walked into the theater, we saw a group of performers, practicing their movies at the corner.

“Wow, Backstreet boys!”

Yep. It was a group of five girls (lesbians) doing the famous boy band (well, they were the hottest group back in year 2000) song, “Larger than Life.”

“Can’t wait to see their performance!”

There were no one on the stage rehearing. DJ Dr. Trae is working on the lighting as well as testing all the sound tracks.

I handed Dr. Trae our CD.

“Track 1 is the song that we will be performing. Total time 5 minutes and 14 seconds.”


Duckie and I walked onto the stage.

I stood close to the stage-back while Duckie hide in the corner.

I had my back facing the imaginary audience, raised my right arm up and posing for the music to start.

“I’m ready.”

The music starts.

Don-Di-Don-Di-Don-Di-Don-Di…. (The intro to “If You Had My Love”)

I snake-armed my right arm down at the same time when I raise my left arm.

I turned.

The beat picked up.

I stepped forward.

Another beat.

I leaned forward.

Another beat.

I stepped back.

I turned and twist.

Yes! Everything was perfect. I totally got my routine down.

I stepped forward again.

Then all of the sudden, I felt like I was going to fly off the stage.


The stage is not as wide as I expected. I have been practicing my moves base on what I saw on TV and Jennifer’s performance on stage. I’ve never thought about her stage is way bigger than mine. Which, gave her more room for her steps and hand movements.

But that wasn’t too much of a concern for me. I memorized the routines so well, that I can perform the moves at anytime, any place and any given space. I reduced the distance of my steps as well as how far my arms need to stretch out.

Then it came the beat change. From the original tempo to the remix.

“Damn it!”

There weren’t enough space for me to do my hip-pop steps. But that didn’t matter. I did mini-hip pop steps instead.

I turned. I twisted. I kicked.

Then bang! – The transition!

I quickly move myself to the corner, while Duckie steps out from the corner.

“Duckie! The stage is narrow! Be-careful” – I whispered as I walk pass him.

From the corner, I watched Duckie perform.

Moves after Moves. He got 70% of the routine down. But still looked some what awkward.

Duckie didn’t have enough practice like me. I totally should have choreographed his routine with him before I start doing mine.

But Duckie has always been a talented dancer. He’s got the natural rhythm in him, he handled it well. He handled it with Duckie style.

BANG! – The transition again!

I walked out from the corner with graceful movement.

We posed.

We stepped forward.

With the music by our side, our movements were uniformed. We were like two well trained dogs, that moves according to the beat given.

The music stopped.

We stopped.

“Good. Duckie, that was really good.”

“Could be better. I will go over my routine a couple times before tonight.”

“Me too. At least, the stage didn’t affect us much.”

We walked down the stage with confident. Knowing, that we will kick major a$$ at tonight’s performance.

Thank goodness that my roommates were gone. So that gave Duckie the chance to came to our apartment do prepare our “customs.”

I stuffed all of my wonderful 99 cents store make-ups into a little green free make-up case I got from purchasing some lotions online. We folded and gently placed our clothes, wigs, and accessories into many little bags. I put all my glitter gels and hair piece in a plastic bags. I shovel my stilettos on the bottom of the large size Macys shopping back and stack the rest on top of them. (Duckie will be wearing his tennis shoes on stage, so, he got less stuff to carry.)

We arrived the theater 1 and 1/2 hours prior to the show. We greeted other performances with our dazzling smiles and went to the change room.

Oh, by the way, I meant, the stairs. Yes. There were no change room in the student theatre. A bunch of us sat on the stairs by the fire exit, putting on our customs and do each other’s make up.

“Duckie, use this.”


“Anti-Shine Moisturizer.”


“Block out the shine on your face. Foo!”


Then other performers started to ask me if they can use it.

So, I pass the bottle to them. By the time I got the bottle back, it only had 30% of the gel left.

“I hope someone didn’t use it on his or her ass… We love shining butt, don’t we?”

“No. Not me.”


Then Blackchina showed up. Like always, she was amazing.


“Hey Sexy!”

“What happened to your face?”

“What do you mean?”

“What lipstick do you use…?”

I held up the lipstick that I bought.

Wet N’ Wild? Oh, baby, this sh*t is not gonna do it. Here, let me know you what I use. This is very professional’

Then Blackchina held up her lipstick.


“Yes. Mac. These are great!”

“I… I don’t have the budget. This is our first time…”

“Well, I'm sure the audience will not notice the Wet N' Wild. You two will do fine!”

Then Duckie whacked Blackchina’s ass.

“Oh, I like that ass.”

“Like Everyone Else!” Said Blackchina as she walked up the stairs.

At this time, Duckie and I were all dressed up.

All of us sat at the front row, while the students (oh, did I mention… The Drag Show is a campus student event?!) walked into the theater.

One of the Backstreet boys decreased the light in the theater. (DJ Dr. Trae and “Brian” both worked for campus tech-services. They have access and the knowledge how to monitor campus facilities and equipment.)

Then, the EVIL Queen came up to the stage, as the host. (John! Hi! Do you still have the custom?!)
One by One (well, group by group) He called us up onto the stage.



“I can’t walk in this sh*t.”

“Well, you will have to, right?”

“I know.”

“Put them on only when you need them.”


Together, the performers were: Gay Cheerleaders, Mizzy Monet, Blackchina, Backstreet Boys and some others that I don’t remember. (Sorry, but if you saw the show and knows other performers, let me know!)

And we introduced ourselves as the “Kung-Pao Chicks.” (No, we look nothing like the Dixie Chicks)

After the introduction, we all went back down and sat on our seats.

I leaned my back against the seat and was troubled by the fact, that I never went though the entire dance routine with these pair of “new shoes.”

Distracting myself from my realization, I rubbed glitter gel all over my body, hoping some of them will cover the hair on my arms. But little did I realize, that we I didn’t get to perform until 40 minutes into the program. My gel were all dried up… The glitters were like snow flakes, falling off my body and dazzled the dirty brown carpet floor.

Okay, the show started. Performer after performer… then the game show.. then… right after the game show, it was our turn.

Duckie looked at me. And I look back into his eyes.

It was our time to shine.

We walked up the stage. (Actually, I wobbled my way up. I have never walk in these stilettos before)

I stood at the center-back of the stage, while Duckie made his way to the corner.

I started to raise my right arm, to get read for the performance.

Then, all of the sudden…


The music started way before my right hand was up in the air.

I quickly recovered and went with the music.

With my back facing the audience, I shook my ass.

Another snake arm.

I shook my ass.

Then the beat kicked in.

I turned and stepped forward.

“Sh*t!” – I said to myself.

I felt extremely uncomfortable in my black long stiletto-boots.

Every steps I made, was awkward.

I tried my very best, in maintaining my posture, doing the right moves on the right beat, balancing myself and keeping that smile on my face.

It was not the performance I planned for myself. It was tough. Very tough.

Since I couldn’t jump in these, I replace them with mini-hops.

The turns were very difficult, so instead of using the ball of my feet as the center, I did two steps sequence and stepped into a full circle. At the same time, the wig smashed against my face and blinded me.

In shock, I gasped... And that made me inhale a bunch of hair in my mouth.

Cover my mouth with my gloved right hand, along with the next shake-body move, I pulled the hair out.

With the on-going music, I wasn’t given much time to plan how I will pull-though these new steps. I went along the music, and swinged my arms around to maintain my balance.

It was not until I finished my last turn, I started to worry about the high-tempo Remix dance sequence.

I sensed Duckie noticing my discomfort. He was probably praying from the corner, that I will not land on my nose.

I took a huge step back, bigger than what was planned…. I didn’t want to step myself off the narrow stage. I had to make more room for myself. I had to do that kick. I had to do the hip-pop steps. I had to bend down and shake my chest… Those were the signature moves!

BANG!!! Here it comes!!!

I placed my left hand on top of my head, to hold onto the wig, and stepped forward into a kick up to the sky. Followed by the landing of my right foot, I twisted my body 270 degrees so I ended up facing the audience.

I lowered my knees while spreading both of my arms back, exposing my artificial sock-filled breasts to people. (Remember, do it with the attitude of “Want them? Too bad, You can’t have them!”)

I stepped to the right and lift my right hip.

And pushed forward.


I stepped to the left and lift my left hip.

And another push.


Then the ankle that I used as the center when I was doing the 270 degree twist start to hurt. But I had one more 270 body turn.

Instead of turn, I crossed my legs and left my body snap into place… So it looked like that I made a real turn. Since it took my extra movement to complete, I was off the rhythm. I was slow. My beats were off.

With the fake hair all tangled around my neck, I started to increase my speed, trying to execute my moves on each beat. Instead of enjoying the moment, being the performer that I thought I would be… I ended up trying my best to catch up to the music, without falling.

The lights that shined on the stage and my face blanked me out. I really had a blanked out moment. Maybe I was in shock or was panicking. I didn’t know what to think anymore. I let my body and muscle memory took control everything.

There were lights. White lights. Red lights.

I heard the sound of the storms. Blummmm…. Blummmmm Blummmmm…..

I was dizzy. Was I turning? I didn’t know. What was I able to turn when I couldn’t turn? What was I doing?

I totally blanked out. But I was moving, some how.


BANG!!! –The Transition!-

The transition sound brought me back to my sense. I quickly changed my hand gesture and walked to the corner.

Duckie was up.

The Britney Boobies song started to play.

Duckie was doing his routine perfectly, Without any problem. So smooth and so nice.

I can hear people giggling and laughing.

He was so awesome on stage.

He had control over the stage.

He had control over the audiences.

He had them under his spell.

He was, in deed, an Asian Britney with big round fake boobies.

I was so drawn to his performance, that I almost forgot to step back onto the scene when the last transition started to play.

Step forward Step back.

Left arm and up and up and down up left.

Twist half and back.

And I totally messed up my routines. I got distracted. I wasn’t concentrating.

Then the ending sound.

That was it.

It was over.


We bowed and walked down the stage.

“Duckie, I fucked up.”

“Bit*h, you didn’t. Okay? You did great.”

“Thank you. That’s exactly what I thought.”

“F**k you!”

“You know you want to!”

At the end of the night, all performers went on the stage, to give the audience the last thank.

Evil Queen held the microphone to me, “What’s your name?”


Then the Queen move the microphone to Duckie, “And you?”

“Britney Boooooooooooooooooooooobiiieeesss!”

The night was over. I think that was probably the best Campus Drag Show since 1997! It was great. We had a lot of fun.

The scary thing is… I had the entire show on VHS… (Okay, Pero, I lost my tape. Do you have a copy? Maybe, I can digital-ize that portion of our performance and post it on the net to F**K up people’s innocent mind…)

No comments: