Monday, August 11, 2003

The Third Wheel’s Confession

This past weekend, I spent ALL THREE DAYS (Friday – Monday early morning) with the two love birds, as I called my sister and her boyfriend.
I mean, I can totally understand that when you are really into someone (love, maybe), you’d like to spent as much time as possible, with that special someone. (Me love you long time – kinda deal)
I also understand, that I can simply say “No, I don’t want to hang out with you guys. I don’t feel comfortable. I feel weird. I feel left out.”
Which, I have told my sister already.
“Listen, he and I just don’t CLICK. Okay? I feel uncomfortable when he is around.”
But the thing is, I think my sister really wants me to develop a special brotherly bond with him. So I will end up liking him, and welcome him to the family. Maybe that is why lately, I have been some-what dragged and ‘tricked’ into joining them in all sorts of activities.

There are two reasons why I kept my distance from him.

Reason #1: Even though he grew up in New York all his life. He is one homophobic asshole.
Reason #2: The closer and more he gets to know me, he eventually will find out about my sexual preference. And I wouldn’t want that to affect his relationship with my sister.

This is what happened to the third wheel this past weekend.


Right after work, I got dragged by my sister to join her boy to see an Off-Broadway show, Forbidden Broadway: 20th Anniversary Celebration– The thing is, she and I already seen the show. (I mean, the show It is so F**Kin' good! Everyone should go see it… But one time is enough.) I wasn’t surprised that at the end of the show, my sister turned her head and said…”Wayne, it is not as funny as the first time we saw it.”

I was like… “Duh! Would you still laugh to the same joke twice?!”

Her boyfriend, some-what enjoyed the show, didn’t totally get the overall sarcasm. He has been trying to figure the jokes that the actors made. (“Forbidden Broadway” is a show that makes fun of other Broadway shows. If you haven’t seen enough Broadway shows, you will have no clue what is going on.)

After the show, we stuffed ourselves like turkey at a Japanese Karaoke-Dinner place, called Second on Second. (When I say STUFFED, I mean, STUFFED. Full. Really Full.)


So I was asked to head into the city around 1:00 pm. But the problem is, I woke up at 11:30 am, and I have loads of stuff to do. I have to send 2 packages that haven’t been packed, suits that need to be brought down to laundromat for dry clean, find my cell phone contracts and documents, get her Prada mini-backpack, get her other broken Prada purse along with proof of purchase, and the most important thing is, that I hadn’t take a shower yet.

Anyway, I went to pack the two packages, and then locate all the accessories that she wants, and then gather the laundry… However, I couldn’t find my cell hone documents… So, I called her.

"I.. I can’t find them! I can’t find them! I can’t find the contacts!!!"

"It is okay, Wayne, we will do the phone tomorrow"

Then I dashed it to the bathroom and take my usual 25 minutes shower, and then spent the next 30 minutes on my hair. (For those of you newbies, I have hair-loss problem and I panic. So, I have all range of hair products collection. There is my daily routine after the shower. Spray the Hair Growth Tonic on my head. Massage. Add root strengthening serum onto my head. Massage. Spray Silica enhanced hair mist on my head. Massage. Apply leave-on hair conditioner. Massage. Then comb my hair into the desired style.)

After I put some clothes on my semi-wet body, I grabbed the packages and ran out of the apartment. I speed-walked to the postal office, tried to calm my breath while I waited inline. After the packages got stamped, I dashed out of the postal office, speed-walked in the rain to the train station. And almost missed the train by 2 minutes. It was not until I sat on the never-cleaned seat, I realized that I left the laundry on the futon.

“Crap. I will do them next week.”

Little did I know, my hair was all messed up from all the speed-walking and the rain.

In that afternoon, all three of us stuffed ourselves like turkeys again at a Japanese buffet restaurant.
Since our tummy were so round and bouncy, we decided to go and walk it off at the Metropolitan Museum. At night, we shook our ass off at Webster Hall.


We all meet up at Flushing, and we ate some Chinese food. Then I went off to get myself a new cell phone, while the two of them went shopping. Afterwards, we went back to Long Island.
To do what?


He wanted to play tennis. He even brought the rackets and the balls.

“Uh, how come you two never told me that we are going to play tennis?”

So, I had to go back to the apartment, and put on comfy semi-sporty clothes.

Now, the deal is, has Wayne ever play tennis before?

No. No Way.

Has Wayne’s Sister ever play tennis before?

Nope. Not at all.

We spent the next 2 hours at the tennis court, chasing and running after the balls.

After the hot sweaty joggling session… Uh, I mean, the tennis game, we headed to Wendy’s for some burgers and fries. The junk food was great. Especially after we drained our energies.

Since there weren’t much to do on a Sunday night, we headed back to the apartment… Play some video games… Had some blue berries… And it was the time for me to sleep.

“Okay, anyone needs to use the restroom? If not, I’m gonna use it.”

“No.” the two were busy playing cards.

So, I went in, washed my face, squeezed some black heads out of my nose, and flossed and brush my teeth.

“He is still out there. I can’t go out just wearing this…”

I mean, I have to wear my blue froggie boxer instead of my ultra tight and sexy triangular black brief to sleep.

Haha, just kidding. I normally don’t wear anything to sleep.

Okay, I lied. I wore my froggie boxer and a black T-shirt to bed instead of my usual teddy bear jammies…

“Good Night” – then I crawled onto my bed. Forcing myself to ignore the giggle and chatting sound from the love birds. I closed my eyes tightly and relax all my muscles. I have to fall asleep… I have to fall asleep… I have to fall asleep…

Early Monday Morning at 2:15 am

I woke up in the middle of my sleep to find the two of them, sitting on the ground, playing Black Jack.

“Oh Gawd.”

Then I fainted.

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