Tuesday, August 31, 2004

No Sound

Like every other morning at work. Whenever I didn't feel like having big breakfast, I'd get my can of mixed nuts. And chew chew away.

Reading blogs, of course. Part of the every day ritual.


I felt a certain pain, glided though the inner layer of my stomach. As if, someone was squeezing me from inside.

It wasn't too painful. But I knew something wasn't right.

Could it be? Could it be the 20 Oz. Pineapple Pleasure Smoothie that I had last night at the Penn Station? (By the way, the Secret Service Boys were really hot that night... The place was filled with cute policemen as well.)

Or was it the roasted almonds I ate before bed?

Could it be the food from the buffet?

Just when I was really digging down my skull for the possible reason for the pain.

The pain was gone.

But... I felt something.

Like a bullet, that puff of gas thrust right though my *other* opening and out into the open space.

It wasn't too loud at all. Just a simple, gentle, quiet "poof."

I, farted.

And it f**king stinks.

Way worst than fermented milk and rotten fish liver.

It'd had to be what maggot poo smells like.

Just as I was fanning myself, I heard my name.

Someone was coming.

I had no time walk around the desk with my air refresher.

DeeDee, someone who I work with on a project, came to my desk.

And all of the sudden, he stopped.

Heart racing like a rat on crack, I was very nervous.

Then silence took over.

I was too embarrassed to look at him.

He must have smelled it too.

Oh gosh, what is he going to think?

Am I going to make Asians look bad?! Would he think that all Asians fart like this?!

Oh, I'm so ashamed. I'm so ashamed!

Oh I'm a disgrace. I have disgraced my people. I have brought no honor to my family.

The moment of silence lasted about 20 seconds, before the gas got diluted by fresh air.

As if nothing happened. We resumed work.

1 comment:

claire said...

this is so true.
but no worries everyone farts!=)