Toilet Tale

One thing about the company restroom is, you get to bump into your co workers. I don’t know about you, but for me, when I’m doing my little private things (You know. Pee, Poo, and sometimes, washing my face with my anti-zit and oil reducing facial cleanser), I don’t like to have my co-workers around. I don’t want them to see me doing stuff that I consider personal.

Sometimes, I just don’t get it. I have had times that I went to the restroom, just to wash the stain off my shirt (coffee stains, okay? nothing else!), then I hear two guys, talking about work… While they are in their own stall. I mean, wouldn’t you feel embarrassed if your boss is in the restroom and you happened to stink up the entire restroom with Poo aroma. And the boss asked….”Oh, by the way, Wayne, please print a copy of the report and put it on my desk.”

I mean, how would you feel?! I mean, how can those two guys be talking business while inhaling each other’s Poo air?!

Whenever I’m in the stall, I always kept quiet, and try not to let anyone know that I’m in side. I’d lower my head so the TALL people will not be able to get a glance of my hair when they walk pass the stalls.

Anyway. I had a my cereal with low fat milk, yogurt, mini-blueberry muffin, and grapes this morning. (Weird. I ate so much…) As you might have guessed. My tummy was screaming…”Release me!! Release Me!!! Hurry!!!”

I quickly stood up, maintain my posture, and walk from my desk toward the hall way. And out the door to the restroom. (Never, NEVER run when you head to the restroom, cause everyone would know that you have to take a dump BAD)

There are two double doors that the employee has to go though, before entering the actual restroom. After I unlocked and entered though the first door, I heard a bunch of noise.

“OH MY GAWD. The Men’s Room is BUSY this morning. Damn people.” I said to myself.

It reminded me, how sometimes people would stay in the restroom and chat and chat and chat and chat and totally chat and waste company time. Especially when I was waiting for everyone to leave the restroom before I can come out of my stall. About 3 days ago, I waited for 10 minutes in the stall until the restroom is clear. Argh!

So, I was debating if I should just charge in the restroom, and grab the oil-absorbing seat covers and head into the stall in front of everyone in there. I can already picture Steve would say “Hey Wayne, what’s the hurry? Had bad food?” or “What you had last night? Did you swallow a whole cow?!”

And what if I farted really loud? Chris would probably said…”Damn, that was a loud one! What you had? Mexican food?”

What if the restroom got really smelly?

The worst is, if the Poo are one of those… WET ones… plus internal gas…. There WILL be noises when my body de-toxic itself…..”Damn Wayne, you are a loud one!! Oh, Man!! Wet too!! Nasty!!”

I’d be feeling so embarrassed. And since people on my floor got nothing better to do other than chatting and spread rumor…. People in the entire floor would know that I had a wet nasty one in the morning. My nickname will probably be "Wet-Poo" or something like that.

Standing in front of the 2nd entrance door, I waited a little. The noise continues to echo and filled the restroom. I didn’t know what I should do.

“Crap!”

I took a deep breath, raised my chin up, and pushed the 2nd door open and stepped in.

3 sinks with running water and no one else.

NO ONE ELSE.

Someone purposely turned on the taps to waste all those precious water.

I mean, precious New York tap water.

I thought I’m the second youngest person in the company. Who would be so damn immature and childish to do such thing? (The youngest person is a girl, she can’t get into the men’s room.)

I mean, whoever did this… Made me stood in between the restroom doors…And went though chaotic emotion struggles…

Argh.

Anyway. The restroom was empty. So, I was safe.

And no. it wasn’t wet, and wasn’t loud. It was normal.