Sunday, June 15, 2003

Me and My Moody Moment

"Hey Wayne, in about 30 minutes, I'll be back to pick you up and hang out"
"Hrm, okay - Don't forget, you still have some work to do"
"Oh yeah, okay, see you in a bit"

***after 1.5 hours***

The door let out of a squeegee noise to warn me that someone is coming in. Then, there they are. My sister and her boyfriend.

"Hi Wayne, I'm back"
"Hey Wayne"


I was all dressed up and stuff. Took a shower 45 minutes ago, wearing my new EXPRESS pants and a nice greet shirt... I didn't shave my chin though - thought that since I will not be going to any where formal, I'd leave the rough look on.

Then I hear my sister asking her boyfriend..."Oh, can you cut the water melon for me?"


And the man went to do his work.
My sister sat down on her desk and start doing her work thingy.
As for myself, I felt weird.

It's feeling that I cannot really explain. But - all of the sudden, I felt that I don't belong here. Or even, I don't want to be here.

I end up hopping onto my bed and closed my eyes.

"Wayne, what's wrong?" My sister asked.
"Feeling sick?"
"No, I just want to sleep"
"Well, I'm done with my work"
"I don't want to go out"

Then I heard my sister telling her boyfriend...."He doesn't want to go"

There was a sudden silence. This can only be explained that the boyfriend is whispering something into her ear or doing hand gestures.

"Okay, we will come to pick you up for dinner."
"It is okay, you two have fun. I'm really full. I don't want to eat."
"... Okay... Just leave your cell phone on. I'll call you"

"Okay, Wayne, bye" said the boyfriend.
"See you in a bit" said my sister.

I waved my hand.

I heard the squeegee noise let out by the door again. Then, the room was filled with silence.

You must be wondering with the following...

1) Why did you dressed up? If you are not going any where?
2) Did you change your mind about going out? Why?
3) When a guest arrives, you went to bed instead of greeting him and chat? Isn't that rude?

This is not the first time it something like this happened. I just don't feel like, going out with my sister and her boyfriend. I mean, I don't really want to bother or be part of it. Whenever we went out, all 3 of us, I just feel that I don't belong.
I don't hate the guy or anything. I just feel really uncomfortable and awkward.
I'm really tired of pretending that I enjoy going out with them, or even, I'm tired that I enjoy living in New York. I'm just tired of everything.
Instead of making up excuses or pretending that I'm having a lot of fun hanging with them, I have decided to be up front and honest with my feeling.

"I don't want to go"
"I don't want to go out"
"I'm tired. I don't think I want to go out with you guys"
"I don't want to be the 3rd Wheel, I don't like that"
"Yes, I'm sure. I don't want to go"

I always end up feeling depressed when I rejected their invitation.

I don't even know what to do anymore.

Its 7:35pm right now... Should I join them for dinner?

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